Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Well It's About Time

How long ago was it I was thinking I was on the verge of smashing through the 340 barrier?  Well....  smash is maybe not the best description now, is it, as long as this took.  Although....  for one day I feel good calling it a smash.  338.9.  Totally skipped a pound!

I still get the sense that it's going to take off, even though I've been thinking that for two months and it's been a reallly slow go.  But maybe it had to be that slow to teach me what I needed to learn to get it to really take off.  Or at least I hope I learned.  That we will see.

I have to look back at the time leading up to surgery and kick myself for this sense of arrogance I had.  I think all that time that I'm thinking okay, I did the surgery thing before and lost a LOT of weight.  It's just going to happen again like that.

It hasn't.

And a lot of it has to do with the arrogance.  I had this feeling that I really didn't have to pay attention that much to what I'm eating.  The weight's going to come off.  And yes, I'm pretty darn active for my size, so I KNOW it's going to come off.  I was grumbling through the preliminary nutrition classes that it's all built around like someone was about to go on weight watchers, not get surgery.  I get that way when I think I already know it all, or that I'm doing what I know I need to do so I don't need anyone else to tell me what to do.

And then we get to January, and woohoo, I've dropped a bunch of weight already.  Can't wait to blow through the rest of the 300's in about a week's time...   and yet, January turns to February, and I'm still in the 340's.  And February rolls into March.  Okay, now we're getting on something closer to a quarter of a year and I've lost maybe 5 pounds in all that time?  This is not right.

Part of it, I tell myself, has to do with not being as active in the cold weather.  We've had a much colder than usual spring, a lot of snow at very inconvenient times that really messed with my running schedule.  I've actuallly been riding my bike to work quite a bit lately, but again, weather kinda dictates if that's doable.  And I see progress because of that and I feel better because of that.  Last night I ran two miles straight, first time I've done that in a couple years...  and yet that barrier remains.


So, last week I go in for my surgery follow up.  I'm accustomed to going to these things and them raving about how well I'm doing.  Happened all the time last time around.  Happened with my 1 month follow up.  This one, yeah, they're glad I'm feeling well, I've recovered well from surgery, they love how active I've been, really impressed them that I rode my bike to the appointment.  But then it comes to my having lost only 10 pounds since the last appointment...  ummm....  well, this is the time where we really like to see the most rapid weight loss.  Oh crap, I've got a bad review, for the first time it's not glowing.  Sooooo, what are you eating?  Are you tracking?  Oh yeah, I know I'm probably about 1500 calories, I track off and on but haven't lately.  Okay, well...  you are probably eating too much.

I can't be eating too much.  You can't eat too much when you have had surgery.

Well...  that's the thing.  I even commented on here before that the good thing is that if I fall back into some bad habits, the surgery keeps me from gaining it all back real quick...  and that's what has been happening.

Someone I worked with has lost an amazing amount of weight.  Without surgery.  She said her key has been she tracks everything that goes into her mouth, watches it like a hawk.  She knows what her limit is, and she sees where she is throughout the day, and paying attention to all that is a huge motivating thing for her.  How many times I smile at that kind of thing and think how quaint.  It's that arrogance again.  I think I've found the best way to do it, how cute of you to try it a different way.  Now I don't know that I really feel quite that way, but sometimes I wonder...  or maybe it's more like yeah, that works for you but me, I gotta do it my way....

And yet, here she's lost that weight, and I'm stuck in limbo.  And she doesn't have the benefit of a gastric sleeve surgery.

So is that what it's taken, is to get this not so glowing response from my last appointment to shake me up and make me realize I'm not taking this as seriously as I should?  Maybe the fact that I"m blogging like once a month tells me that yes, maybe so.  I mean I really am when it comes to exercise, I'm really proud of how I'm getting out for walks at lunch, starting to get back into that mindset I had a couple years ago when I'm going to choose walking over the bus where time allows, I'm back into the shape that I can run a 5k now be it ever so slowly, looking at riding my bike to work 3-4 times a week.  THAT has been great.  But...  food-wise?

So that was a bit of a wake up call for me.  So I started logging on again to MyFitnessPal, something I've not done in a couple years.  I have been using FatSecret off and on and it's got a great database, but...  it's clunky too.  So I check out MyFitnessPal... and start using it.  I've tracked my eating for 8 days.  Let me just say...  1500 calories is a good day.  And sadly, a rare one.  I see what the little snacks in between do, and... you know, it's sobering.  I've not been one to put a lot of stock in calories because I think there are a lot of other factors, but...  still.

So I think that's part of what is the key to starting that taking off, and why I think maybe I am ready to see it all take off.  Maybe?