193 (well, maybe 168) pounds at 5420 feet

I don't think I've set a record... but I'm close

2012-01-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's been a month and a half, maybe not quite that, but... here I go again not posting much.

I have started another blog. Of course you can see it from my profile, or of course you can go to the link at Into The Second Half. What I have been discovering is there is a passion growing in me about wanting to minister to older adults. I've been taking classes at Seminary, though there's nothing available there for that particular field and so far it's been general Bible and theology. I'm maybe at a crossroads trying to decide whether to even continue, as I have my degree already in Pastoral Ministries, maybe it's time to just start getting active again. Anyway, as a part of that growing interest, I've created that blog to write about things related to the later half of life.

So maybe in that regard I can say I've not been so terrible about posting, as I have posted a bit more regularly there? Okay, nice try, I know.

But one thing is coming clear as I look at all that, and it is that that particular blog cannot replace this blog. It's about something totally different. And the need to keep living healthy continues here, even though it's not been a topic lately in my writing. As a matter of fact I've got an appointment this Friday with the weight loss clinic at Kaiser, time to quit trying to do this all on my own.

But I am finding that there is a way where the two blogs kind of come together. People dread the later years of life and aging in general, but... it's not necessarily something that's doomed to be awful. In fact more and more people are living very vital lives well into their 70's, 80's, and even beyond. Three things are key to that being likely to happen: Keeping healthy in mind (keeping the mind active), body (having as good a health as possible), and spirit (one aspect is having a sense of purpose). Obviously, the keeping healthy in body is a pretty major thing on this particular blog, yes?

So maybe I won't totally fade away. Besides, the personal health thing for me doesn't have to be related to the other blog at all, it's pretty important stuff either way.

Hoping I won't take another month and a half to post here.... but no promises!

Still Kicking

2011-11-25T19:09:00.002-07:00

As you can probably guess, the idea of this blog when I started it was to track my successes and to be able to write about how everything has been great, maybe be able to boast about myself a little, and perhaps to be an inspiration.

Of course, that does not happen very well when I disappear for nearly 6 months. I suppose it doesn't work very well when it's not always about success. While it hasn't been horrible, I have found about 3-4 pounds a month creeping back on. Those are not the kind of results I want to report, are they?

There has been a major change in life for me that has had a tremendous impact on the whole diet and exercise thing. I had been working at Sprint, and while the pay was never tremendous, the commute to work had opened the door to fitting in a regular exercise routine that either involved decent walks to and from the light rail station, or what became a fairly regular routine of riding my bike to work. I do have to say that I liked the look of surprise people would have when I'd say I was doing a 17 mile bike commute.

That did change when I got a job offer to a much better paying job. There is much that I love about the new job, as it has taken be back into the variety that I've enjoyed so much in previous jobs. As a field technician for a telecom company, I get to move around more and not be sitting in one place doing the same thing all day. However, the transitory nature of the job means no longer getting to walk or ride my bike to work as I have to drive to different businesses.

However, there is a clear trade off. While I don't get the exercise of walking or riding to work, I spend the whole day being much more active, especially a lot of days where the work involves a LOT of walking back and forth at a customer site or a lot of climbing latters. I come home sometimes pretty well dead tired, in a good way, from that work. So perhaps in that respect, it's either a net positive change or a pretty even trade off. Of course, I've not really been tracking the actual amount of exercise like before, so I cannot really say for sure.

I think the real difference is what the change has done to my eating habits. With a more stationary job, I found that it was easier to work around my impulses by packing a lunch and not bringing cash with me. Since starting the new job it's been easier to slip into the old habits of going through drive throughs and eating in a much less disciplined manner. In fact I'm sure that has been the difference.

My wife has asked me if I would ever consider going back to consider surgery again. I've always said that if I reached a certain point where I don't think I'd keep the weight off that I'd lost before, I would really need to look at it. Right now the remaining option would be a gastric bypass rather than the lapband, and in my mind I've been incredibly hesitant to consider that, as it is much more permanent. In light of recent gains, maybe permanent isn't a bad thing?

That said, here it is the day after Thanksgiving, and I'm coming to a conclusion that I do need to get back onto the road a bit and at least see what I can do here. I'm still significantly lighter than I was before the surgery... I just don't want that gap closing any more than it has.

So at this point, where I stand is a commitment I've made today to start tracking everything at least for the month to come. Food, exercise, and creating a bit more accountability to myself to start reporting all that again. Just for a month, I think I can commit to that. Longer than that, knowing me, would possibly be setting myself up to fail. Don't think I want to do that to myself right now eh?

Maybe, by doing that, it'll help renew some discipline and passion for keeping healthy that's sort of slipped away the past few months?

Racing Across America

2011-06-07T08:39:00.004-06:00

Okay, so this is fun.... Found a great site for tracking workouts, and it looks like a great way to kinda keep some motivation going. exercise.lbl.gov. It's a virtual race across America. You enter in your walks or runs or rides, and it plots where that workout would have taken you on a trek across the Transcontinental Trail, a system of back roads that is popular for people who do take such journeys across the country. Nice thing is you don't have to quit your job or pay for travel to do it! It tracks your progress, shows you on a map where you would be, and gives you a picture of the view you would be seeing.

I just started, I'm 7.6 miles into it so far. I know, a LOOOONG way to go! Still, looks like a lot of fun.

Sprint Get Fit challenge

2011-05-09T22:49:00.001-06:00

I was quite tickled to see my employer introduce a fitness challenge. In it you put together teams and everyone tracks the number of steps, minutes of exercise and percent of weight lost.

This comes at a really good time for me as it provides a kind of boost to get me going back downward in weight. I have been sitting on this plateau the past 2 to 3 months. I mean, its been a decent plateau in that while I haven't lost any weight my afctivity level has definitely improved. I'm very pleased at how I kept to the training for the 5k and all. I am getting out and playing tennis with Emily about once a week and I feel like my fitness level is way up from a couple months ago.
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Sadly I think I've let the increased activity become an excuse for getting sloppy with my diet. I haven't been terrible I don't believe but I do think I find myself thinking that okay, I ran 3 miles... its okay to cheat a little.

So, I'm pretty excited about the program at work because I think it gives me a sense of focus to look again at ALL aspects of my personal fitness. Week one has just passed and I walked 65,000 steps, exercised about 660 minutes and lost 4 pounds. Not a bad start but I want to do 70,000 steps a week.

So, there's something to shoot for next week eh?

My first 5k

2011-05-03T21:52:00.001-06:00

I made it! L

Sunday was the Cherry Creek sneak and the one I targeted to be my first official distance run... And I was able to run the whole thing.

Granted, the word "run" is pretty much relative, there were probably people who walked it faster than I ran it. A few weeks ago Janiece and I were running at a park and a lady passed us walking. But that's okay.

My last training run I ran in just over 46 minutes though I walked the first half k. So, I thought 45 would be a reasonable goal. I was thrilled to come in at 42:13.

When Janiece and I met she was training for her second half marathon. When we'd go out together, me for a walk and her for a run I remember being so wistful and more than a little envious as she'd run on ahead. Because of the knee problems I'd had in the past I figured those days were gone for me for good.

Needless to say I'm just a little psyched!

Now the question is what next? Focus on 5k's and on getting my times down? Work up to 10k's (our longer)? Duathlons?

Maybe all of the above...

Half mile, and I did it twice

2011-03-30T15:28:00.002-06:00

Week 5, day 2 of the couch 2 5k. Two 8 minute runs with a 5 minute recovery walk in between. The course I ran was around Kendrick Lake, a nice little 1 mile path around the lake that has these posts every quarter mile, and I could guage by those I was doing more than a half mile on each of the 8 minute splits. According to my little GPS tracking thing I did 1.5 miles in the 21 minutes total, so with the walking and running that's about a 14 minute per mile pace.

My little armband tells me I've burned 2500 calories so far today. I know that's kind of the difficult thing right now is I'm staying very active. About every other day I'm doing my training runs, most days I'm either biking or walking several miles, and it appears I'm burning about 4000 calories a day. And yet my weight is hanging pretty much about the same spot.

Several years ago when I lost a bunch of weight on the Atkins diet, I got to about 300 pounds and just leveled out. I was working out at the gym like crazy and doing all sorts of stuff, and.... just kinda there. I'll admit that the current plateau makes me wonder if I'm back to that point, you know? It's like here I am again... and what do I do to start losing that weight again?

Okay, I know one thing I do... I've gotten a bit lax around my eating habits. Not real lax like constantly stuffing my face, and for the most part I'm choosing pretty good foods. But yeah, it's still a bit too easy to snack.

So I guess I know what the answer is to the question. With that little band around my stomach it was definitely easier to keep to that answer. Now though, I've got to get back at it.

The one thing I have going for me right now is knowing that not all that long ago I was doing it just fine without the lap band. I lost 20 pounds leading to the surgery. Granted, it's easier to lose 20 pounds at 372 than at sub-300, but still, I was able to do it then. Now it's just getting back into that mode again.

Couch 2 5k training update

2011-03-28T12:31:00.001-06:00

Today was the start of week 5 in the training routine for the May 1 Cherry Creek Sneak 5k run.

I am quite happy to proclaim I am still alive and breathing.

Week 5 starts out with a 5 minute warmup walk then has three splits of 5 minute runs separated by 3 minute walks with a cooldown 5 minute walk. This routine will be repeated Wednesday and then Friday it jumps right into a straight 20 minute jog. Yikes!

So far actually it's not been too bad. Keep in mind you're reading from a guy who not all that long ago could not get himself to run through a heavy downpour to his car parked 50 feet from the store entrance but would have to simply walk and get that much more drenched. So it's pretty exciting to be able to say I could run these 1/3 mile splits and to actually feel like I could keep going. I can actually run around the "lake"at the park near my home. I never used to think I'd see that day.

Friday of course is a different challenge. 20 minutes straight... Good thing is that's not quite as intimidating as five minutes once seemed. Even still, that's more than a mile of straight running (well, shuffle jogging anyway). That's still intimidating.

Slow Starts

2011-03-10T20:45:00.003-07:00

This afternoon I decided to ride my bike in to class tonight, a 10 mile ride but fairly easy as it is mostly on a bike path. My daughter was teasing me because I was taking a long time getting started. I didn't explain exactly why it was taking so long because, well.... she would have teased me even more.

On the left of this blog is a Map My Run widget that shows some of my recent runs/walks/rides. Way back when I found an application for my phone that would track my runs, and I could import that data into the Mapmyrun.com website, and once it's there it will automatically update on the blog. I had to pay for that application back a couple years ago, and now with my new phone, I now have a wide variety of similar applications that do most of the same thing. One of those is related to the mapmyrun site, which I appreciate because now I don't have to import. Only problem with that is, the app doesn't work real well at times.

So anyway, I've found 5 good applications so far, and I'm sure there are others, but these are probably the best known 5. (Note I said probably) The question is, which one is really the best. I'm sure you're asking, who really cares? I've found one I like, called Cardiotrainer, but I've had suggestions from some others about some to look into. So, for a week I'm doing a sort of trial: I've loaded all 5 apps onto my phone, and when I go out, I'm running all 5.

So before I head out, I have to make sure all 5 are tracking, so there's a bit of a routine involved. I launch all 5 applications and get them to the point of being ready to start, designating the kind of workout involved, etc. I make sure there's a lock on the GPS satellite and the programs recognize that. Then in order I start tracking with one app, wait 10 seconds, start the second, wait ten more, till all 5 are started, THEN get started. When I get done, I shut them off in the same order, 10 seconds between.

So yeah, if my daughter knew the reason it was taking so long to get started was I'm starting 5 different programs to all track the same workout, she'd probably be looking for ways to get me committed.

But, that's the geek in me I guess. I'm having fun with it, but looking forward to when it's all said and done and have gone back to just one program...

And by the way, the bike ride went pretty well. It was along the Platte River, and going upstream, but nice thing about the ride is there's not the huge hills. Having said that I will say that since I'm bike riding, climbing hills is much easier now... something about lugging 70-80 pounds less around probably has something to do with that eh? I think also the additional runnign and walking have me more fit, so I'm better equipped to handle the effort?

That said, my butt still hurts after going that far.

There's some before and after pictures a few posts before, taken right before surgery #2. I was right around 300 pounds at the time then, and I found myself curious as to whether it would fit now. It does, sortta, still too tight to wear in public, but anyway, it was from an MS-150 bike ride I went on about 12-13 years ago. I was able to ride about 135 of the miles over 2 days - the ride got cut short due to tornado warnings (though we won't tell anyone I'd already gotten on the sag wagon before that happened as the hills were killing me...) Anyway, at this moment I find myself wondering how I rode that far, even with a comfortable bike seat... did I mention my butt hurts?

And here I am planning on riding back. Am I nuts?

Week 3 Begins

2011-03-05T11:14:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I started week 3 on the couch to 5K program. After a 5 minute warm up walk, it's 90 seconds walking, 90 seconds running, 3 minutes running, 3 minutes walking, and then repeat the whole cycle again. I was a little intimidated by the 3 minutes running, which really speaks to how out of shape I was where I was a bit unsure whether I'd be able to run 3 minutes straight. Or shuffle/jog as it were.

It actually went pretty well, even the second stint of 3 minutes, though I do have to admit I was checking on how soon the 3 minutes was comeing up the second time around.

I guess there's two ways to look at it. One could be that I could think about how pathetic it is I'm nervous about being able to run for 3 minutes. Or I could remember the times where I'd come out of a store and it's pouring buckets of rain and I walk to my car because I just can't run. Looking at it in that perspective, I feel pretty good about it all, you know?

And if I want to be intimidated, next week goes to 5 minutes running, with only 2.5 minutes walking in between for 'recovery' time. At least I get two more runs like this one before then. Regardless, I'm committed now to the Cherry Creek Sneak on May 1, a 5K run. Entry fees are paid for Janiece and I. I can do the 5K no problem, in fact looking at the times I could walk most of it and still end up somewhere in the middle of the pack for times, but having said that I want to be where I can shuffle jog the whole thing. Yeah, maybe that's my new term now for jogging, at least where I'm concerned.... certainly can't call it a run jsut yet.

Just can't blog enough

2011-02-27T13:13:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been a little better keeping up with this blog. A little. Like any blog I've done however it's pretty much feast or famine for me. I'll do great awhile then go weeks or more neglecting it.

So what do I do? Start another blog. This one isn't so public as just available at work. Sprint has a sort of employee blog where people can post about life our work our whatever. Some post about gaming, some get into work issues, and I decided to start posting on weight loss stuff. But theres a bit of a slant as I want to focus on how the very technology we are providing can make an impact.

I will say that from a business and marketing sense I've been really impressed with the direction sprint is taking. More than just focusing on the "we have the best 4g debates they've built some great relationships that focus on using the technology beyond gadgets and phones.

One example is the Bodymedia armband. They have another relationship with a medical monitoring company that uses wireless technology to keep doctors up to date on a patients progress. It's pretty impressive stuff.

On tp of all that are the applications available that can really make a difference. It's stuff like this I want to focus on. I'm hoping to be able to integrate some of the posts into here as there are some pretty cool things out there, some I just recently learned about through comments made on the two posts I've made. And it would be pretty c ool if I could do that without having to post in two coherent places eh?

Back in the saddle again

2011-02-26T23:14:00.002-07:00

I'm back to biking again. It feels good, being on a bike for the first time since my bike was stolen about a year or so ago. I was able to do some extra work this past month, and decided to earmark some funds for a bike. Okay, let me just say, bike shopping can be... a pain? Some places want to push you right up into a thousand dollar bike, and I hate that kind of pressure. When it was all said and done I found a nice Specialized, bright red (Go Huskers!) that I was pretty happy with. It's a mountain bike kind of hybrid, meaning it's got the mountain bike frame but smoother tires for roads and trails. I'd thought I'd get a road bike this time around, but decided that for the hills here, weight, and price, not to mention a bit of comfort, this would work out pretty nicely.

So, today was my first time using the bike to any extent at all. I rode it to the light rail, about a 4 mile ride, and then from light rail into work and back, as well as about 3-4 miles otherwise. Part of that 4 miles was because I'd missed the bus off the light rail and decided to take off chasing it to see if I could catch it. Fortunately the bus had to take a detour because of a closed street but I could get on teh bike path along the street and keep going, so I was able to pretty much catch up about 2 miles down the road.

Okay, so I have to say being 80 pounds lighter than last time I rode a bike, you can REALLY feel the difference. Hills are not nearly so killer. That feels good.

It is good that I'm keeping my activity up. Right now I'm holding steady weight wise... I'm still not as disciplined there as I need to be, it's REALLY hard to do that. My armband tells me I'm averaging 9000 to 10,000 steps a day and more than 4,000 calories a day. I'm still supposedly burning more calories than I'm eating, but I"m not losing weight as I should if that's the case, which tells me that maybe the whole MET thing that measures calories burned isn't necessarilly accurate. After all, I could stay in bed all day and still burn 2500 calories, that just doesn't seem to be right, you know?

I'm having fun with some new apps on the phone and checking all those out. I'll have to follow up with some reports on some of them... there's some pretty amazing stuff out there. But, for now, I'm a sleepy guy, so... off I go.

Yay! Mobile posting

2011-02-25T11:59:00.001-07:00

Just yesterday my phone had a fairly major update which is a good thing, however it defaulted everything which means ask my applications were wiped out. Not really a big deal since I can reload everything pretty easily, just takes time. Nice thing about it is surfing through android amarket I found some nice new applications and in the process found the blogger app so now I can post more easily from my phone. That means there will likely be shorter posts but more frequent ones, probably both good things.

I found another cool free app as well called the instant heart rate monitor. It uses the camera of all things. It's a lot like how an oximeter works. It says your finger slightly changes color with each heartbeat so you put your finger over the camera lens and out notices the changes this measuring your heart rate. Pretty clever eh? And it beats the heck out of paying 50 to a hundred bucks on another piece of equipment

Couch 2 5K

2011-02-19T11:07:00.004-07:00

This morning I finished week 1 of the couch to 5K program. The idea is to work up to being able to run a full 5K in about 8-10 weeks. You do it by walking/running in intervals, gradually working up the amount of time that you are running, with 3 workouts a week.

The first week, you start out with 5 minute warmup walking, then for twenty minutes you run for 60 second intervals and walk 90 second intervals, then finish with a 30 minute cool down. Monday I go to week 2 which is 90 second runs, 2 minute walks, then the next week it becomes 90 seconds running 90 seconds walking, 3 minutes running, 3 minutes walking, and then repeat that cycle once. So it gradually works up.

So far it's gone pretty good. I get a bit winded which is good for me I'm sure. And so far, no problems with knees hurting or anything, that's important and definitely something to monitor.

I mentioned getting the armband. Here's a bit of a snapshot of what it measures. Essentially it will track your activity, so it will show things like how many minutes you're active, it will count your steps, tell you how many calories you burn, etc.

So for example this one shows the calories burned through the day, so you can see what was happening during my run/walk. Now of course the one thing missing is calories consumed, as I haven't entered my meals. But it's a pretty neat tool as I can see the balance between what I've consumed and what I've burned.

And right now, being sans lap band, the key for me is to really ramp up the activity end of things. Of course somewhere along the line I have to get figured out how to handle the consumption part of things, I've been in kind of this freestyle pattern since the surgery without a plan. Hope that changes soon eh?

Can I say I'm scared?

2011-02-16T19:58:00.002-07:00

I'm incredibly amazed at my recovery. I can pretty much eat normally now. All the plumbing is working, I can eat, and drink, all in normal volumes.

And it scares me a little.

I've come so far, and now here I am on my own and... I'm just so afraid right now of falling back to old patterns.

Okay, so... resolve! Not gonna happen. I'm never going back. NEVER!

On to another subject.... I've decided to take up the running after all. I have been saying wait til I'm under 280, well... I'm there. Two days ago I started the first day of the Couch25K program and it felt really, really good. So.... that's one way to keep the momentum going.

I got my bodymedia armband. I'll have to go into more detail on it, got a great little deal going through work that lets me play with it, and I'm quite pleased with it. It definitely provides some interesting data, so sometime I'll get into that some.

Remember, I'm not going back!

Sleep is good

2011-02-12T08:07:00.008-07:00

It felt good to sleep through the night! First time in awhile I could sleep that long without being awakened by reflux. Woohoo!

I actually gained 10 pounds. Granted, I miss seeing that 6 being the second digit, but still, that's actually a good thing. I was seriously that dehydrated. After so many IV's and now being able to actually drink, I'm getting replenished now. Fill 'er up!

I'm trying not to dwell on how much harder it will be to keep this all off now that the band's gone. That's a bit of reality starting to sink in. =( But I've got to take the attitude instead to run (maybe even literally?) with where I am and take advantage of all this momentum!

Ohhhh, and now for some pic's. First, front shot, before my initial surgery and before I went in Thursday:

And now for the side shots.

Home and feeling better

2011-02-11T10:27:00.003-07:00

Do you have any idea how wonderful it is to be able to drink a full glass of water?

I'm back from surgery feeling a thousand times better. Okay, still a bit tired, some obviously from the surgery and some I'm guessing from not sleeping much in the days leading up to surgery.

All went well. Ive felt good from the moment I woke up from the surgery, with 5 more little incisions in my stomach. In fact I've not been on any pain medication since coming out, and haven't really felt the need for it. Yeah, the incisions are a bit sore but not too terrible. The staff at St. Joseph hospital is pretty amazing, care was top notch. They did want to keep me over for observation due to all the nausea and vomiting I've had, but there were no problems or issues and I'm so thankful to be feeling so well.

In the end, the doctor ended up removing the band. I guess there was a fair bit of scarring on the stomach from it's little journey through the band, and that coupled with it's previous escape attempt in the form of a hiatal hernia did not really leave a good spot for the doctor to try to re-attach the band. He told me this morning that for me the lap band has run its course. If it seems necessary in the future they can always look at the other styles, either the bypass or a gastric sleeve. My hope however is to keep up with the momentum I've got going and pray I can make it a lifetime change.

I will say that there's some disappointment. Actually the disappointment's not as strong right now as it's tempered by just feeling so much better. I think I found myself feeling pretty ecstatic about feeling better and that's still there. There's tremendous anticipation to being able to get back on track with exercise and all. So all that is tempering the disappointment, but I'll have to admit that deep down there's a little apprehension, as the purpose of the band isn't all about the weight loss, but for the long term maintenance as well. All I know is, I don't ever want to go back. Ever. That will end up ahving to be my motivation for keeping the momentum going eh?

Back to square 1, but not really

2011-02-10T05:15:00.002-07:00

So starting today, I get to go back to the whole liquid diet routine, then soft food diet, slowly working back to a regular diet. I go in at 10:30, surgery at 12:30.

This past week has been incredibly challenging. With the slippage, the exit was pretty well blocked off. Food and water in my stomach had nowhere to go. Okay, it had one place to go and that's what the challenging part of it was. Basically the last few days has been liquids only but even those could not go anywhere. The problem with that is that my body would be secreting a bunch of fluids and bile into the stomach, which led to incredibly frequent and rather forceful vomiting. On average it was probably hourly. Now when you're taking in 2-3 ounces and throwing up 16 ounces, you can imagine what it does to one's hydration level. I ended up going in last night to get an IV, they actually gave me two bags of fluid.

It is an amazing thing to watch your fingers and your face shrivel up as the fluid has been sucked out of your body, and pretty incredible how quickly they come back to normal with an IV. That was incredibly revitalizing.

Let me say this, ice chips are a good thing. Drinking much of anything would encourage more frequent vomiting, so last night after getting back I spent the night just sucking down ice chips one at a time. Having said that you have no idea how badly I'd love to gulp down a tall glass of cold water, an ice tea, or a glass of milk. Amazing how much you can miss something like that. Especially now when I'm even off ice chips, gotta stay liquid free prior to surgery. Dang how I'd love a drink!

Hard to imagine anticipating surgery, but... I really am! Getting back to a semblence of normalcy is something I so look forward to. I know some that are worried, but it's really something pretty simple. If the stomach is in a condition to allow him to do it, the doctor will move the band back to the proper position and secure it a little better. If not he'll simply remove it. I'm at peace with it either way. I'd rather have it left on, for all the reasons I had it put on. But even if it has to come off... I'm at 265 pounds! That's huge! Okay, that's less huge.... MUCH less huge. Which is HUGE. I'm 40 pounds from my goal, and that has me at a point where, it's far easier to get active, which I've been pretty active all along, but... where I've talked about maybe getting to running when I get to a safer weight for that.... I'm at a safer weight. Still not sure about running, but whatever it is, I'm so much better able to do it. So even if it has to come out... I'm okay because I know I'll be okay.

Dang I'm thirsty!

And the answer to Janiece's question... still remains an unshakable and unqualified heck yeah, I would do it again if I knew about all this misery of the past week.

Did I mentione I'm thirsty? One big difference about the previous surgery and this one: I did go into it then not looking at all forward to the liquid diet to follow. Today I'm relishing the prospect. Let's face it, I've already been on the liquid diet and to be honest not eating foods has not been a bother, fortunately. But... getting to drink liquids, some jello, some soup stock, milk... WATER!!!... and have them stay down and go where they're supposed to go again... I'm so looking forward to that.

Runaway Tummy

2011-02-08T05:41:00.005-07:00

Okay, so let's play a game of name Ron's tummy. So far the nominees are:

Logan. Okay, this one really dates me, the old movie and eventually TV series, Logan's Run.

Richard Kimble. Okay, my choice to pick David Jannsen instead of Harrison Ford also dates me, doesn't it? But, here's one for more contemporary readers:

Micheal Schofield. From the tv series Prison Break.

Cast your votes and you get to be an amazing part of this blog!

So now I'll give you the scoop. As I mentioned I'm losing weight much too quickly and feeling a bit icky lately. You can now take off "a bit." I'm just plain icky. And weight loss? I'm at 272 this morning. That's like 21 pounds in 12 days.... wayyyyy too fast.

After a weekend of generally not keeping any food down at all and throwing up wayyyyy too much Janiece took me into the emergency room this morning. We were concerned about dehydration. They ended up doing an upper GI as part of it all (finally!) and we discovered a nice little slippage. Okay, a big slippage. It appears my stomach has migrated most of the way up through the lap band. Nothing's getting through the band now which is not a good thing. But you know, there's at least some relief knowing what it is. So we're looking at going back in for a followup surgery to fix the thing ASAP.

Now this isn't the first time the little bugger has tried something like this. A substantial portion of my stomach had tried escaping out the diaphragm in the past (thus the hiatal hernia I think I've mentioned before)... I guess the poor guy figures he's been through hell and he just wants out or something.

So.... not necessarily looking forward to another surgery but... really looking forward to getting everything feeling better.

Janiece asked, knowing what I know now, would I have done this all over again? Absolutely. (unless there's more to know about later that I really, really don't like, but I don't expect that to be the case....)

Speeding along

2011-02-02T17:47:00.002-07:00

It's been a week. And here I am 7 pounds less already.

Not sure that's as good a thing though. I mean hey, I'll take every pound, that part I'm okay with. But this time it's a bit different, with my stomach still feeling a bit.... funny? Over all it's felt a lot better, I do think there was probably a bug going on at the same time that didn't help how I was feeling. I've been on some Prilosec but the reflux hasn't totally gone away. Now it's like an every other night kind of thing. Now maybe it's just that it keeps me up one night, so the next night I'm so tired that not even the reflux wakes me up. But the thing about it is there are days where it's just hard putting down any food because I'm not sure how it's going to end up feeling. So my weight loss is now really more about not eating much, and I have to really watch myself to make sure I'm getting enough protein and such. In about 2 weeks I'm scheduled for an upper GI where they will take a look and see if anything has changed, either that my lap band has slipped or if the old hiatal hernia is trying to reassert itself. I'll be glad to be back to feeling a bit more normal.

Having said that.... know how good it feels to be in the 280's? Wow, that's one I'm not sure I ever thoguht I'd get to. It's funny, 290's didn't seem so out of reach, so why would one more digit down make a difference? I think it's because I made the 290's before, and then stalled. But 280's, that's a totally different story. I know I've said this before, but... I haven't been here in ages. Okay, I won't beat that dead horse, but... wow. So even though the stomach is feeling different, it's definitely a different feeling.

It seems like it's been just the past couple weeks that all of a sudden everything looks different. Maybe it's a psychological thing because after all now I've crossed these milestones and I'm where I've not been in a long, long time, but... suddenly I notice the look more. Yeah, you can still see the overweight aspect of things, but... there's no longer the big gut. I don't look skinny, but... it doesn't feel like I look fat any more either, if that makes sense. And my wife can wrap her arms all the way around me... that's pretty cool stuff there.

I keep wondering whether to start trying running now, as I'm getting where I felt I needed to be before starting. That's probably one for more discussion later... but the thought is definitely playing with me.... guess we shall see eh?

Milestones reached

2011-01-26T08:11:00.002-07:00

Okay, so here it is: I've reached a few big milestones now.

Milestone 1: I'm OBESE! Ummm, yeah, nothing new there. But as I mentioned before, there's nothing in front of it. Not morbidly, not severely, just, merely, simply... obese. Never thought I could be so happy to say obese. Okay, there's a caviat there. That's simply obese based on BMI of 34.7, but that's based on a height of 6'5 which I've always maintained I've been. However, at a doctor's visit last week they measured me at 6'4. That would put me at 35.6. I'll stick with the 6'5 for now thank you very much. Don't want to face the potential that all that weight for all those years has managed to compact my frame a bit and caused me to shrink an inch, eh?

Milestone 2: I've lost 100 pounds since the start of the blog. I'm now at 292.4 pounds. No caviats there. That's a lot of weight gone. I think I said this before but it's hard to fathom constantly lugging around 100 pounds. I do have to say I'm amazed at the human body's capacity to do something like that. So, woohoo.

Milestone 3: Okay, this one's not as wonderful but it's there... if you can call it a milestone. It's a first anyway -- first time I've had any issues since the surgery. For the last week or so I've had a lot of acid reflux at night and have felt like food was getting caught up somewhere along the way. It can be a pretty miserable feeling when you just really don't want to eat. I think it got compounded by getting a bit of a bug at the same time. Honestly I don't know which it was more, a stomach related to the lapband thing or a bug thing, i think the two together make things a bit more miserable. Good news is I'm feeling better than a couple days ago and am more prone to actually eating and stomach isn't as sour now. There's still some reflux but not as much (but that's partly because I'm not eating after 6 now). I think the doctor's going to put me on some medicine and see if that takes care of things. There's a restricted feeling which could be swelling from all the irritation from the reflux, or it could be something more serious like slippage of the band or the old hiatal hernia trying to reassert itself. But, I feel like it's getting better, so I'll hold out hope it's jsut a temporary thing. Will keep you posted...

Intriguing: BodyMedia Fit

2011-01-20T08:31:00.002-07:00

I think I've mentioned some android apps before, but I found something that is quite definitely intriguing that goes beyond just a phone application.

I have a Samsung Epic for a phone, quite possibly the best phone ever made. (Okay, it's that or the Evo.) What I love about it when it comes to weight loss is that as it uses the Android operating system, there are a ton of applications that are pretty cool (and more amazing is how many of them are free). There are applications for tracking what you eat, your activities, etc. I use the Cardio Tracker app a lot to track certain activities such as walking, and that will post the activities to my facebook page. Now I'll have to admit that I'm probably at a point where I may quit posting all that stuff just because I hate seeing everyone else's Farmville posts, and my friends may get tired of seeing all the posts that say Ron walked 3.2 miles in 58 minutes and burned 479 calories. There is definitely an accountability thing there that is good but I can see the annoying factor as well.

I digress. Sorry.

Anyway, Sprint just announced a collaboration with Bodymedia that integrates a nifty little device called the BodyMedia Fit. (I probably should put little trademark thingies next to these, shouldn't I?) The device is a little armband that you wear pretty much all the time but it tracks what's going on in your body. It counts your steps, it calculates how many calories you're burning and when you are involved in moderate or more strenuous activity, etc. I'm guessing it figures those things based on heart rate combined with whatever movement it senses. It also measures how efficiently you are sleeping. All pretty interesting stuff.

Earlier versions of the device required you either connect it to a computer to download the information it tracks or you get a little display device that it communicates with. Now they've come up with an integration that allows it to communicate with your phone and let it pull the information and provide the reports.

Below is one of their Youtube video:

At the Consumer Electronics Show earlier this month they had an intern from Sprint who wore the device through the week and tracked his activity on his phone while doing things like skydiving, running half marathons, etc. Probably a bit more than I would ever do, but it's interesting stuff considering how much I like using the apps I have already to keep track of stuff. It definitely presents an added level of accountability. I think it's pretty close to the same thing as the Bodybug marketed by the Biggest Loser show/franchise, which to my understanding is made by the same people. Anyway, like I said, intriguing stuff.... really thinking that perhaps this is a good 300 pound reward item. Okay, that or the bike.... both would be nice really but there are budget considerations.

Hmmmm......

1 Big benchmark down, some immediately ahead

2011-01-18T11:38:00.003-07:00

Gotta say, still on cloud 9 over the breaking 300 thing. Definitely a good thing. My wife's been saying I need to do a reward of some kind, and I'm not sure yet just what that should be. Funny though, isn't it, that food always seems to come to the top of one's mind when thinking of rewards? She is thinking clothes would be a good idea, though I'm thinking clothes will be a necessity anyway so it won't feel so much like a reward. One thing that's come to mind is a new bike, but this time a road bike. I've always had to get a mountain bike type before because that was the only kind to be able to hold my weight well. But the road bikes work well for 300 pounds and under and guess what! I'm under!!!

(See picture from previous post... snoopy dance!)

So yeah, that's one big benchmark gone. There are a couple more that are very very close, and could be hit this month still.

First is the 35 BMI benchmark. At 6'5 that comes out to 295 pounds. This to me is maybe as significant as breaking 300 because of the classifications. At 352 (time of surgery) I was at 41.7 BMI, considered morbidly obese (above 40). When I started this blog at 393 I was at 46.6 (I don't think there's a term for above 45, but.... super morbid?). And I'll tell you what, if there's anything that really makes you feel good it's being classified morbidly obese. Mmm hmmm! So severe obesity (35-40 BMI) doesn't sound quite so bad now, does it? So at 295 there's going to be a bit of celebration because there's no attachment, no additional term that adds an emphatic exclamation point to my obesity. Just simply obese. I know, even obese doesn't sound great, does it? But when you've been morbid in the past, just plain obese sounds pretty good.

That's one benchmark. The other has more to do with the start of this blog. That's at 293 pounds. Starting at 393, that makes a nice, even, cool 100 pounds gone since it all started. THAT is a party in and of itself.

Snoopy Dance Time!

2011-01-13T12:21:00.004-07:00

Dave Ramsey calls it the Snoopy Dance. "Feet flying, nose up in the air." Okay, it looks awkward when I try it and my kids think I'm weird, but... today I dance the Snoopy Dance.

I guess it can't look any weirder than when I try the hula hoop on the Wii fit. I try to do that when no one is around to see it, could be bad for their psyche.

Anyway, there's good reason....

No, that's not 662. My weight starts with a 2 for the first time in more than 7 years. It's pretty darn close to being the least I've weighed in nearly 19 years. I'm thinking I went over 300 probably about 1992 when I was driving a taxi in Omaha....

The cool thing is being able to actually dance the Snoopy Dance and not be totally out of breath. Yeah, clumsy and bumbling but... not out of breath. I love it!

What to say to people considering surgery

2011-01-12T12:52:00.004-07:00

One of the things that made a big impact when I attended the seminar back in March about weight loss surgery was the panel of patients that was there. Here were people who had been through the surgery and you could see the difference being made in their lives.

So now here I am on the other side and I've been asked to be on the panel at the next surgery. I know that it's a marketing thing, obviously, and as a result the people up there are going to be the ones who've done really well, not the ones who've really struggled afterwards. But then, I wonder what the numbers really are, how many have done well compared to who has struggled? And maybe they ask everyone and I'm just one of the few to say, okay. All that said, I'm honored to have been asked.

Of course I wonder what all I would say... There hasn't been any briefing or anything like that. I may be just one of those who says I lost this much, yada yada yada. So if given liberty to say anything I wanted, what would I say? Good question.

One thing I could do is point out the perils of the aftermath of surgery. It can be stressful on a marriage. What I mean is, any more I can barely keep my ring on my finger, the finger's just too skinny! I can't count the number of times it's dropped off. Another issue is clothes. There's a definite hesitance to buy clothes right now because in a matter of months they'll be too large. And the ones I have are pretty baggy. Fortunately there's been a reprieve of sorts, in that most of my slacks used to fit up under my belly around my hips. Now they fit around my belly. Of course there's a problem with that, in that now that they fit properly I'm able to wear them up where they should be, but that means that.... now I have a problem with my slacks being high water.... not to mention even now getting baggy....

Granted... these are nice problems to have.

The other approach I would take is to just give some suggestions from my own experience. What advice would the me today tell the me in March... actually I think it was February... ?

One of the things that I remember is being a little disappointed it would take so long to get an appointment. Keeping in mind all that I went through from insurance, one thing I would say is this: It may be a couple of months before you can get in for your first appointment. Don't wait. Start today. Get an appointment today with your doctor or nutritionist. Get started right now on a medically supervised diet. So many times insurance is going to require 6 months. For me that was a killer to even think of that possibility. But you could be half way along by the time you have your initial appointment, and even if your insurance does not have such a requirement, you've got momentum going.

That's the other thing I'd say is, get some momentum. I think that's something that has made a huge difference for me. Between the time of the seminar and the date of the surgery I lost at least 20 pounds. There's something about that because when the times come that say yeah, it's only because of the surgery that I'm losing this weight, I know that it's more than just that. The surgery has definitely made a difference, but it means so much to be able to say that I've worked pretty hard at this myself alongside the surgery, and I have that momentum to point to as evidence.

I know, it sounds hard when you're at a point where you're actually forced to start thinking about surgery, there's almost a hopelessness that makes any thought of momentum go in one ear and out the other. But realizing what this would be all about added a new sense of purpose for me. All of a sudden I wasn't thinking in terms of this being another short term solution but instead it became a thought that I was starting something that... I had some real hope that it could be permanent. There was a new sense of purpose in it. And by the time of surgery I was already losing weight, I was already getting more and more active, and it just made it easier to carry on the momentum.

So those are the main things I would want to communicate.

By the way.... 302.4 pounds was the latest weigh in. More than 90 pounds since starting this blog. More than 70 since considering surgery, and just under 50 since the surgery itself...

So yeah... I'd definitely be able to stand up there and mean it when I tell people that it's worth it.

Another good year

2010-12-31T10:47:00.002-07:00

2010 is almost over. Unbelievable.

And of course there is the usual reflection on the year past and looking forward to the year ahead. I find myself in a very different place this year, where I look back at 2010 and think that all in all, it's been an awesome year if for no other reason what the year means for the years ahead.

It's been a bit more challenging year than I might have thought. It has been challenging financially as doing the whole home business thing has not taken off like I thought it would. I'm thankful to have found work with a great employer, but that too is challenging because while it's a steady income I also know there's so much more out there.

And yet I find myself so much more optimistic about what lies ahead because of the past year. I'm back in school, albeit for probably a long time, and actually able to keep up. Balancing the time between classes, job and family is more of a challenge than I expected but it's gone well.

And of course, there's an amazing sense of energy I feel from just... feeling better. As of this morning I'm at 304.9 pounds. I haven't been this light in 5 years, and I'm incredibly close to being the lightest I've been in more than 17 years. Honestly the earliest I remember weighing myself would be about 1993 after making a career change, I remember being over 300 then. I know I gained a lot of my weight through the 80's, and probably went over 300 pounds... maybe around 1992 or so? So about the time I hit 298 I'll be the lightest I've been in over 18 years... that's a pretty amazing feeling.

In some ways I feel this sadness just for maybe what was lost in that time. I mean, I don't know that I'd say anything specifically was lost... how do I put this? I think it's just this looking back over those years and how I viewed myself maybe. Maybe it's the years of lost energy. I look at a lot of those years as being very discouraged. That all wasn't just around my weight, there were many other factors involved, but I also would be wrong to say that weight didn't maybe enhance how I felt about other factors.

At my last checkup a couple of weeks ago, I was asked if I wanted to be on the patient panel at any of the presentation/seminars coming up. Evidently they're pretty pleased with my progress at the doctor's office. I'd lost 60 pounds since my very first visit in April. I do feel good about the fact I'd lost 20 of those pounds by the time I had surgery, and I'm really glad I did that because it helps me feel like there's more than just the surgery involved here, you know? But I do find myself being very ready to be an advocate because the truth is the surgery has played a major role in this success, both before and after.

I think in the end it's a number of things. First of all there was a great deal of encouragement in figuring out that my journey has not been that abnormal after all. Maybe getting to where I was at may not be in the norm, but the fact is once you get to this point there's almost no going back (and staying there) on your own. As I started to look at a future where this weight could be kept off, that energized me in the months leading up to the surgery. And in the end I think it's become exactly what was explained at the seminar way back then: The surgery is not a magic pill. I look with some amount of pride at all the miles I've walked since then and all the extra activity I've engaged in since then, knowing that that's had a major role in where I am now. And I know it will have a major role in where I will be by this time next year. I've quoted this in the past I think: This surgery has leveled the playing field. It's made it where diet and exercise have a chance now to make a difference. My energy and enthusiasm for doing the things I need to do to get back to a healthier me have increased tremendously. My attitude is so much better than it's been in a long, long time.

So yes, I find myself saying that if anyone is in a position where such a surgery is a consideration, consider it! Do what it takes to get healthy again. It's so worth it.

I guess that means that I'd be glad to be on the panel.

Getting back to the whole new year thing... maybe the best illustration for how I look ahead comes with the snow we had yesterday and this morning. I was actually looking forward to going out and shovelling because of the exercise it allows... I don't know that I ever could have said that. And I'm seeing another shift in myself as well. I've mentioned before that I have chosen to walk over riding the bus because of that exercise. It's becoming more than that now... it's more than just doing so because it will help me lose weight. I find myself enjoying the activity just... for the activity.

So there's a new enthusiasm, a new energy going into this year that I've never had. I feel healthier physcially, mentally, and spiritually than I've felt in a long, long time. And that has me pretty excited about what the new year has to offer. It's been an awesome year, but... nothing like the year to come!

Walking and such

2010-12-07T10:24:00.003-07:00

It is interesting how perspectives change. And they don't seem to stop changing.

One of the best things for me from an exercise standpoint has been the commute to work. I take the bus to the light rail, ride that in, then there is a shuttle that I can take the last mile into work. When I get off work the shuttle is already done for the night, so that means a walk to the light rail. This is where in the past it's been a bit inconvenient because the timing of when the light rail arrives is about 5 minutes after my bus leaves, and the next bus does not come by for nearly two hours.

As time has gone on, I've tended to bypass the shuttle into work and have chosen to walk, at least when time has permitted. I've rather frequently turned down offers for a ride into the light rail after work. And then I've gotten to where instead of waiting for the bus for so long, I'd much rather walk home from the light rail station, slightly more than 3 miles.

And being lighter, I find myself more interested in walking now than before. I find myself now not so bothered by the bus schedule and somewhat glad for it. I find myself enjoying the walk, and walking is so much easier. There are times I think, I could so easily bust out into a jog. To a certain extent I'm having to really hold back on that as i'm liking not having my knees hurt and after my last episode of trying jogging, i messed up my knee enough that I think I still need to lose a lot more before trying again. Yes, i'm 40-60 pounds lighter than last time I tried, but...

Thanksgiving was definitely different

2010-11-30T10:40:00.002-07:00

For Thanksgiving dinner we had 13 people. We have China for 12. So we put a salad plate at my setting. After passing around the food my smaller plate still looked rather empty, and when I was full there was still food on the plate.

That's good and bad. Mostly good. I ate slowly, thoroughly enjoyed every bite and didn't feel hungry. I do have to admit a big part of me (no pun intended but appropriate all the same) wished very badly that I had more room for food as some of it just tasted soooooooo good that I didn't want to stop. Thus the big part of me is probably much of the reason it's a big me, eh?

Now the nice thing was being able to go back later to eat. I couldn't eat as much but I could eat more often and not feel stuffed to the gills. And here it is Tuesday after and I'm already down. Total today: 318.

I find myself wondering if I can make 300 by January 1. I don't know if that would be pushing it too much or burning myself out. I think it's doable given a lot of exercise.

I've written before about being able to track exercise with my phone in the past. I just switched phones recently and have an Epic, one of those android phones. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that phone!!! Anyway, there are a ton of free applications out there for the phone, and there are many of them that are perfect for getting you going on exercise. A fantastic free application is one called Cardiotrainer. If you have an android phone, I highly recommend it.

Cardiotrainer does a number of things. It will track your exercises including measuring your walks or runs. It calculates the calories you burn and tracks those for you. It posts a little medallion on the home page of your phone telling you how many calories you've burned today. It will post your workouts over to Google Health, and will post them to your facebook page if you wish. It even tell you how you rank in miles compared to others using the application. At one point I was in the top 500 out of nearly 600,000 people.

There's a cute little widget they put out at Thanksgiving. It's a picture of a turkey that posts on your phone screen. You have 3000 calories to work off. As you burn calories pieces of the turkey disappear, and then when you've burned all 3000 calories there's nothing but bones left on the picture. It's a clever little motivation thing.

One thing that comes with having lost weight is that I feel more like getting out and walking. As I ride the light rail and bus to and from work, when I am coming home many nights instead of catching the bus from the nearest light rail station I decide to walk the 3 miles home. It all depends on how early I have to get up or how cold, not to mention how far away the bus is. It started with having half hour waits for the bus and deciding that if I have to be outside waiting anyway, I might as well use that time walking. Then I realized that with a good pace I could do the walk in 45 minutes (or wait 30 minutes and ride for 5-10). Some nasty weather nights have cut into that a bit, but today is nice and sunny.

And, it's about time to go to work. My phone and Cardiotrainer app await!

Another month, another10

2010-11-22T13:08:00.002-07:00

This morning's weigh in: 321. That's 72 total or 42 since the surgery in 8 weeks. I have before and during pictures that I'll have to post soon.

I had my first 'fill' a week ago. Basically the way that works is they put the band around your stomach, and due to all the rustling around and such that creates swelling which tightens around the top of the stomach thus creating a small space where food gathers. As swelling goes down, it's almost like things are back to nomal. The band is adjustable though, meaning they can inject saline solution into the band and that adjusts whatever pouch there is. since then there's been a noticable difference in what I can eat, which is a good thing.

Ihave to run in a bit, but one closing comment. The other day I was out walking and had my backpack with my laptop and some books, and thinking about how heavy that thing was. Then it dawned on me, not that long ago I was carrying a lot more extra weight. I can definitely feel the difference, and it feels good. No regrets so far!

And finally! 60!!!

2010-10-18T17:01:00.003-06:00

I finally crashed through the 60 pound barrier after what, a year and a half of this blog? Longer than that I think. 333. Okay, about 3.5 pounds in 2.5 weeks, that's not exactly crashing through now is it? More like flooping through ( i know, that's not a word... but it works).

Having said that I feel very encouraged all the same. I continue to feel good, continue to feel energy, continue to enjoy how I feel. The other night I was riding the bus home, there's a spot where the bus stops on that run for a 20 minute period. I decided to get out and use the 20 minutes to walk because that just seemed better to me than waiting. The bus driver gave me a bit of a funny look when he picked me up a mile or so down the road.

So far solid foods are going well. I'm enjoying getting a normal variety of foods though soetimes it's tough focusing mostly on protein. In some ways it's like I'm back on Atkins as most food I eat is meat or cheese or something of the sort.

I've been down the last week with a cold, at the same time working like crazy getting my first academic paper in 24 years finished and turned in, so I've not gotten in the exercise I should. I still chooseto walk as much as possible as opposed to riding the shuttle in to work, so on the days I'm wrking I get in a couple miles, usually at a pretty good clip.

It's a slow, steady progress. So I can look at it two ways. One is that it's toooooo slow and steady, I want it to go faster. Or I can say wow, I'm the lightest I've been in 6 years, and look at the fact that I've broken another 10 pound barrier....

What do I choose?

Woooooooohoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

After a week of soft food

2010-10-01T16:54:00.002-06:00

It's now been 2 weeks. Actually 2 weeks and a day. I continue to feel good and recovery seems to go well. Actually to this point I've not really experienced any real side effects to the surgery and have felt fairly good the whole time.

It has now been a week of soft foods, and I must say that soft foods are a heck of a lot better than a liquid diet. Things such as tuna and yogurt feel a lot more like real food, albeit in very small quantities.

The weight loss has slowed some. In a week's time I lost a total of 5 pounds, quite a bit slower than the week before, but still a very good pace. With the soft foods, I'm averaging probably right at 1000 calories a day if not less, which is not very much. The key is to try to get as much of those calories in protein as possible, and getting a lot of protein in small amounts like I have to can be tricky. They want me to be getting 60-80 grams of protein per day, and so far I've done pretty well at that.

My wife and I went out to eat today for the first time since the surgery. Eating out is a totally different experience now. There are all the sides that go with your food and you can maybe just touch them. For example there was clam chowder soup, and I maybe had 4 or 5 bites of that. Most of that was because I wanted to save room for the chicken I was getting. I know, chicken's not exaclty soft food, but it went down fairly well, with a LOT of chewing anyway. So I ended up taking home half the chicken and leaving most of the soup and vegetables untouched. That's the challenge when there's only abuot 4 ounces you can put away. The waitress looked at me rather funny when we were done like, what's wrong with the food??? In some ways it seems like a waste of money now to eat out though. Unless the food's just THAT good, you know? Still, I think it was a good experience.

So far, so good

One week - Soft food!!!!

2010-09-23T10:08:00.002-06:00

It's already been a week. I've made it thruogh the liquid diet phase. Woohoo!!!

Sooooo.... here's how I stand from a week ago:

341.6 pounds, down 11.4

Neck 19.25 inches - the same

Chest 57.75 inches - down 1 inch (down 2 inches from when I started this blog)

Waist 58.75 inches - down a quarter inch (down 3/4 inches from when I started this blog)

Hips 49 inches - the same (down 3.5 inches from when I started this blog)

Thigh 31 inches - the same.

I have put the scale up - so I won't know what I weigh now until next thursday when I pull it down again.

Did I mention the liquid diet is over?

Now it's soft foods for 2 weeks. I can have things like yogurt, scrambled eggs, pudding (no sugar of course), tuna. 5-6 small meals (4 ounces) per day. I still need to get in 60 grams of protein but now I can do it with real food rather than protein shakes (which get pretty nasty tasting after awhile).

I had my one week checkup which was more or less weigh me - they say I've lost 20 since pre-op, which was a week before the surgery. I think the pre-op thing was a bit high - but then of course I'd just eaten a fair sized meal right before - it was kind of my last hurrah at a buffet... so there were a few pounds of padding. So maybe based on my weight the morning of preop instead I'm thinking maybe the total would be 15 or 16 instead of 20.... but if they want to insist on 20, I'll take that.

It just dawned on me.... it's now been more than 50 pounds since I started this blog not quite 2 years ago. Wow. Looking forward to when i can say 100!

One day away from soft food.

2010-09-21T05:11:00.002-06:00

My instructions actually say soft foods can start today, but I've got my post-op appointment tomorrow as well as soft foods class, so I'm going to hold out one more day to be on the safe side.

I continue to feel good. The shoulder aches off and on but nothing unbearable. If I knew that my shoulder would act weird like this would I have still done the surgery? In a heartbeat. If it must be a trade off, so be it, it's better than all the knee pain and such that I've had in the past year.

I got out for a good walk yesterday - took the 40 mph couch potato (the greyhound) along and went pretty leisurely - let the dog sniff around a lot more than usual while out walking. It felt really, really good. I just noticed that I'm not limping even slightly any more, I feel like I can walk pretty normal, and my knee doesn't catch while climbing steps. All very good, positive signs.

I'm thinking I should have looked more into the options for protein powders and tasted more different kinds. This stuff is some kind of mango flavor or something like that and when I checked it out to begin with it wasn't that bad. I guess it's still not too bad but, let me just say.... I'm going to be really glad when I start getting my protein through food again. The flavor has definitely gotten old on me.

I read somewhere I should hide the scale, only weigh myself every week or two. I'm considering it... okay, I suppose there's value to it. It is exciting though to see the weight dropping daily. I'm down to 346 already, a good 7 pounds from my pre-surgery weight. Sometimes I think I see a difference already in the mirror, but then I wonder if it's because I'm expecting to. Maybe the biggest test of whether there's a visual difference is when I go back to work Friday - people there haven't seen me since Tuesday, so if tehre's a real noticable difference I may hear about it then.

I feel like i'm already ready to get back to work... recuperating around the house gets boring after awhile.

Before I get much further: Before shot!

2010-09-19T22:45:00.003-06:00

This is me, night before the surgery. Weight at that time, 353.

One barrier gone

2010-09-19T22:38:00.002-06:00

My weight this morning: 349!!! That's a barrier I haven't been through in a few years.

I feel good. I did discover one side effect though: Shoulder pain of all things. My left shoulder was hurting as though I'd sprained it or something. I'd heard something mentioned to someone else while at the hospital about shoulder pain, so I did some research. Turns out that there are nerves in the diaphragm that are connected somehow to nerves in the shoulder. So if the diaphragm is hurting, it's the shoulder that says ouch.

Kinda weird huh?

One thing I read from a few people on forums is that they've used this as an early warning system of sorts. If they're getting to where they've overdone it or are close to doing so, they start to get a little gas right there in the diaphragm and the shoulder starts to ache.

I had just taken a drink of yogurt, possibly a bit too quickly and was feeling kind of full when the shoulder pain flared up, so it all makes sense. I'm okay with that though.... rather have an achy shoulder than be puking my guts out because I overdid it. Of course the key is not to overdo it so much eh?

Wondering how soon I break through to 340. I'm guessing.... a week from Monday? We'll see...

Day 2 - all these liquids

2010-09-18T22:41:00.002-06:00

Today is my second full day on the lap band. I feel good.

My last prescription pain med was at midnight last night. At 10 I took some liquid ibuprofen and haven't had anything since and still have managed to feel pretty decent. So I think that I'm recovering pretty well on this.

Probably the biggest challenge on this is just keeping up with all the liquid stuff. My vitamins are all liquid. My fish oil is liquid -- yep, good ol cod liver oil. My protein is liquid. I'm having an easy time so far getting liquids down and can drink in 1-2 ounce amounts pretty well. It's just a challenge getting all this stuff down, especially when the liquid vitamins are not so tasty. The liquit protein shake gets old pretty quick as well.

I am glad the liquid diet phase is not a long one. Especially when everyone's getting to enjoy my wife's cooking but me. I have been able to branch into drinkable yogurt, a little milk, and even a sugar free popsicle.

Something very interesting about all this is that the day of surgery I got home and weighed about 6 pounds more than when I left. I may have mentioned that. But today with starting to get into a routine including the protein and such, that's allowing me to start getting the metabolism going. As of tonight I'm back to where I was the morning of surgery. I'm half way expecting to see myself break through the 350 mark by tomorrow. From there on, who knows eh?

I know, pretty boring post. Nice thing about this surgery recovery thing is I'm able to stay at home and not go in to work, meaing I can sit around and watch some football. That's always a good thing, yes?

Even though the protein and vitamin stuff are a bit awful tasting, I will have to admit that the whole liquid diet is not as bad as I first expected. That said, I'm looking forward to being able to get into soft foods in another few days.

Lapband - 1 day... and counting

2010-09-17T13:23:00.003-06:00

So here it is day one, life with a lapband.

Nothing exciting to report, which is a good thing. I still feel pretty good all things considered. There's still that dull ache where everything was done, but nothing that is difficult to live with.

I wish I'd grown accustomed in the past to sleeping on my back. I'm not too accustomed to it and right now that's about the only way I can sleep - If I try to lay on my side gravity goes to work and that causes some hurt.

I've gone up and down the steps a lot, such as using hte restroom etc. I'm surprised how easy it is to do so. I guess it's like a lot of things, just... surprised how well it's gone.

Okay, so far I've probably gained a pound since yesterday morning. I think from the IV bag and all the fluids and so far very little or no metabolism since I had pretty much nothing yesterday until after surgery. Walking around and getting my protein in will get that going here shortly.

Mixing liquid vitamins into a glass of water is a bad idea when you can only drink the water an ounce at a time. Nasty stuff I'm telling you.

So far I think I"m doing pretty good on the drinking as well as the protein. We'll see by the end of day.

Life is.... very different right now. In a good way. And a different way.

In and Out

2010-09-16T21:13:00.003-06:00

So here I am tonight, sitting up at my dining room table with a somewhat clear head typing about the surgery. I can't get over how quickly they can do these things.

I feel good. I really had no idea what to expect having never had any surgery of any kind. But it all happened pretty quick - they put me under and next thing I know I wake up in post-op. In fact I don't even remember being put under.

I do remember waking up and wondering if they had done the surgery. First thing I notice is I'm not in the operating room. But then the next thing I remember is feeling like there was a clamp around my stomach... (I wonder why!). There was a fair bit of discomfort but not any kind of severe pain - the toughest part was that what pain there was would come when I breathe ... so there's no way to avoid that pain.

Let me say, Rose medical center in Denver has a fantastic staff. I'm duly impressed. They just treat you so well.

The biggest challenge right after surgery is drinking enough water. You have to drink in one ounce increments, at least right to begin with, and somehow you have to drink at least 40 ounces and preferably 64 or more. When you're kind of swollen up there's not a lot of room for water to get through, and it's kind of a weird sensation feeling it seep down. Probably the worst thing is that the first thing you do is take a sip of berium, a really nasty substance, so they can take pictures of my guts to see if everything looks okay.

Gone are the days of laying your guts open. I have 4 tiny little incisions where they did everything laproscopically.. they stick tubes inside me and use tiny little cameras to see where it all is and work through those. It's pretty amazing stuff really. And the fact that the doctor can do 9 of these surgeries by early afternoon is pretty impressive as well.

So there never was a lot of pain, just... discomfort afterwords. Now I'm sure some of that can be attributed to good drugs. But so far I feel pretty pretty good. Okay, my wife has noticed some typos here so maybe i'm not as clear headed as i think. I don't feel the kind of high some people talk about from their pain meds, I feel pretty normal for the most part. But I think driving's probably not a good idea right now. I think I mentioned I didn't really know what to expect, I was surprised how nervous I wasn't, though there were definitely some times I wondered what I was getting into. And other than that moment that I woke up, had that quick realization that I felt this clamp around my stomach and asked 'what was I thinking???' - It has not been that bad an experience.

And the nice thing is I get home and everyone treats me really good. Well, except for my wife's proof reading -- something about being a community college instructer I guess.... but all in all... not a bad day.

And the time has come

2010-09-16T10:09:00.002-06:00

Alright so I haven't said much about feelings leading up to the surgery. Probably because there haven't been a lot? I mean there's some looking forward to what life will be like, some apprehension about what life will be like, some apprehension just because it's my first surgery, but I don't find myself scared or anything.

Tuseday night we had cookies at our team meeting and I commented that may be the last bit of solid food I get until sometime in October. That is looking like that will be the case. All day yesterday was clear liquid diet - no food whatsoever. If you can't see through it you can't drink it. I was able to have an Isopure protein drink which was okay, and some apple juice. But other than that all water baby! I guess that's to clean the system out so there's no food in there to try to puke up when they do the surgery. And then of course today... nada. No water, no nothing.

Anyway, heading out the door... guess we'll see how it goes eh?

Another day on the rollercoaster

2010-09-09T09:11:00.002-06:00

So after resigning myself to starting all over again with new doctor new insurance new everything, I get the phone call that my surgery was approved through the previous insurance. After some phone calls I find that I can still continue my old insurance as it hasn't been 30 days yet.

And so the dilemma becomes, do I pay extra for the old insurance for another month, or start anew? With all the tests and preliminaries I had done in the past, on the old insurance I won't have any more out of pocket, not even any copays. New insurance, different story. So, while a month's premium for family insurance is not really cheap, in the long run it's going to save money...

So, my surgery is scheduled the 16th of this month. I went in yesterday for my pre-op visit where they sucked some blood out of me, let me pee in a cup, all that fun stuff, got some instructions, and now it's a matter of getting ready for something completely different... life changes so quickly in a week.

Exciting news... and scary. Now it's for real, or at least it's about to be.

And Slim Just Left the Building

2010-08-28T00:32:00.002-06:00

You know, slim and none.... though I wasn't really thinking about the double meaning until after I typed the headline....

Well at least under this insurance it's not looking real positive. There's still a shot at a last minute verdict coming through from insurance but it's not looking too good. What it's coming down to is my insurance covers the procedure but it also requires a six month medically monitored diet, which I've been doing, but when it comes right down to it, between my doctor's office and myself we just didn't get a total grasp of what all that means. Now this is all according to the surgeon's office but from their experience there's not a real good chance the insurance company will accept this as a qualified plan....

so in some regards it's back to square one. With my insurance change it will also require a change of doctors since it's an HMO I'm going to, so.... just what they will expect and recommend and require, I don't really know yet. They may pick up where the others left off, or they may be more inclined to say diet and exercise are needed, or they may see all the tests and the sleep apnea and diabetes and all and say let's move forward. Who knows?

In some ways I'm a bit intimidated by an HMO, but there's an advantage to one in that all sides tend to work together more? At least I hope so. What I mean is, if they have a requirement for a period of dieting I have to think they have a better idea of just what that entails and there won't be the miscommunication.

And hey, the other insurance hasn't said no yet, right?

But while it's been a frustrating period, I'm not worried. Mostly because the positive stuff from walking more and eating less and all that is playing together well. I got down to 352 -- first time I've been there in 4-5 years, so that's really positive and I'm holding fairly steady. It's just slowly inching downwards, and that's good.

So yeah, clock still ticks a wee bit... but... that's okay.

The clock is ticking.

2010-08-23T06:42:00.003-06:00

Ticking ever so slowly for one thing, considering it's taken more than a year to get back down to where I was before. FINALLY back to the 353 I was at before I stalled out spring of last year. That took long enough.

Ticking not quite as slowly at least when you look at progress the past few months -- about 20 pounds lost going back to what... March? Not quite a pound a week, though for the most part that's not from any kind of real diet, more like having been more active and restricting my access to junk. But hey, it's 20 pounds and I'll gladly leave that off.

Ever carry a 20 pound backpack?

I guess that explains why walking gets easier all the time. Dang... if I ever lose all this weight I'm thinking I could start to jump pretty high, considering these poor legs have been used to lugging around so much weight... they won't know what to do without it all, except party.

Though when and how long... depends. Another clock ticking thing.

September 1 my insurance changes. My new insurance is with Kaiser, an HMO. The Doctor I'm doing the surgery with isn't with Kaiser, so if I"m doing the surgery with him it has to happen in 8 days. At this point it's not even scheduled.

tick

tick

tick

I guess in some ways you could call it a lost sale for their office though if it doesn't happen. This coming from a guy who spent too many years in sales, so that kind of messes up perspective huh? There's more than a little frustration with Dr. Snyder's back office. I've tried contacting them several times and said okay, where are we, is there any information you still need? If there is ever any response to communication, it takes close to a week.

tick

tick

tick

So then finally, the beginning of August I contact them and say hey, we need to get this scheduled in August if at all possible. My insurance runs out and we've already paid out so much in deductibles and for other expenses in the family that at this point my out of pocket maximum on insurance is met, so this needs to happen. A week later I have to contact them again to say hey, I haven't heard back yet.

tick

tick

tick

Finally, I get an email that everything is in dictation and being sent to insurance.

tick

tick

tick

And now, on the 23rd, I have yet to hear anything.

tick

tick

tick

Is it safe to say I'm ticked? This guy is among the best in the country at this procedure and I like him personally, but the responsiveness of his office leaves much to be desired.

But... the month's not over yet.

tick

tick

tick

tick

tick

tick.....

3 Days of the Fullbar - or is it the Snickers diet?

2010-08-13T06:45:00.003-06:00

Wow. I got my first commercial comment. Does this mean I'm hitting the big time? Of course it's gone now. Trusty little trash can icon!!! If you want to advertise on my site please check with me first or send me some money.

Okay, so I've done the Full Bar 3 days. This morning I weighed in at 355. Four pounds in 3 days. And I'm not really doing the all out routine for this thing because from what I remember it was recommended for using before two meals a day, and I'm only using it before my lunch.

My daily routine has been, breakfast is usually a bowl of cereal, usually about 8 AM. Then off to work, which starts at 10. At about noon I get my break, and I'll have a snack, usually either a granola bar or some peanuts or almonds. Then at lunch at about 2, I eat my fullbar and drink a glass of water. Then I'll typically go for a walk for about 10-15 minutes, wander back, get my lunch, and then go to the lunch room. Lunch these past 3 days has been really small portions, usually a leftover from the night's supper before. A single piece of chicken one day. A small serving of casserole, something like that. And that's it. The serving size is half of what I'd normally have, if not less, and there's nothing else, where typically in the past I'd have some yogurt and a salad and a piece of fruit to go with it. In fact I've been asked if that's all I'm eating by my co-workers and i give them the big sad puppy dog eye look and nod my head like a martyr.

Okay, I don't do the martyr routine. I just nonchalantly say yep, that's it. Granted, I don't think that I've demonstrated at work any of the eating habits that have gotten me to where I need to lose the weight in the first place. After all, in the first 4 weeks there I've lost about 12 pounds. That success is due to a number of things -- the biggest being not carrying cash. That means no stopping for fast food along the way, no raiding the vending machines. I'm forced to eat what I bring for lunch. It's been a reasonable meal, never anything lavish but never anything spartan (until this week of course). So I'm eating decently, not starving myself but the key is not overeating. And the fact I'm usually walking 2 miles a day just getting to and from bus and train stops plays a hand as well.

Okay, so back to routine and all. What I've found so far is the Full bar does what's advertised so far. I do not feel hungry after such a small meal. And the part that's actually kind of surprised me a little is that I don't feel really starved in a couple hours. At break at 5 I'll have another snack similar to my 12 oclock break and I feel just fine. Then I get home usually after 8 and, this is the part where I depart from Fullbar advice as I don't have a bar before supper. But here's the amazing thing.... I'm not super hungry. In fact for supper I find myself full much more easily than before. That's been a pleasant surprise.

As to what I'm eating, the classes I've been to for weight loss surgery have stressed making sure there's enough protein. A lot of things can be taken care of by multivitamins but when portions are low you do want to make sure you're getting enough protein. This isn't like what people tend to relate to protein diets where you eat far more protein than you normally would without any carbs, but it's more like, since your overall food quantities are really low you do want to make sure that you're getting enough protein, and then take enough vitamins to keep healthy. But as it is I'm still not eating as little as I would with surgery, but still...

So should this be a replacement for the idea of surgery? Probably not, just because I know myself. This will work for awhile.... the day will come when the full bar will get really old and when it's really easy to fall back into old habits. I have many years of yo yo life to back that up.

But in wrapping it up... I wonder if I should call it the Snickers diet. The last couple days I've had a snickers bar as an extra snack. So, is it the Fullbar? Or the Snickers?

Fullbar

2010-08-10T08:19:00.003-06:00

Has anyone had any experience with the Fullbar? Or even heard of it?

I saw an article not that long ago in the paper about it because it was developed by someone locally. So I read a bit into it. Turns out the one who developed it is the surgeon who will be performing my lap band surgery. Well, maybe, insurance depending of course. That's a whole nother post.

Anyway, I guess this thing is distributed all over the place now. It's billed as the only solution based on the principles of weight loss surgery. The concept is a lot like how weight loss surgery works in that the reason the lap band and others are successful is they eliminate the cravings. It's not so much about limiting the quantity of food you can eat as it is limiting the desires for food. The reason the band on the stomach is placed where it is in a lapband surgery is that the sensors in your stomach that tell you you're full are, naturally, towards the top, and what the lapband does is keep the food at the top for a little while before it drops into the rest of the stomach. So, you're feeling full and satisfied with a lot less food.

So anyway, the way the Fullbar works is that you eat this bar about 20 minutes before you eat. It's made up of foods that expand inside your stomach, thus filling a lot of your stomach. This allows you to eat a much, much smaller portion of food than you normally would, and feel quite satisfied.

I'm going to try it out today for lunch. I have a simple piece of chicken with me. Okay, I also have a cup of yogurt and some almonds for snack times. But that's not a heck of a lot of food.

I think the thing that's an interesting question to me is, yeah, it may head off the physical cravings. What about the psychological cravings? You know, the ones that look at that little piece of chicken and say, no way in heck that's going to be enough. And even if it really IS a satisfying amount, which really it would be.... will there still be cravings that say I still want more, if for no other reason than habit?

I'll let you know how it goes...

What if I Stumble?

2010-08-10T08:09:00.002-06:00

Great song many years ago by DC Talk: What if I stumble, what if I fall? What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all? Will the love continue when the walk becomes a crawl? What if I stumble, what if I fall?

I loved that album.

Okay, so this isn't totally what they were thinking about with this song, but... it is a question that comes up a lot with dieting. What if I stumble? What if I really blow it? Is there a point of no return?

What brings this whole question up is the dreaded Pot Luck dinner. Our team at work had a pot luck Saturday, and ohhhhhh was the food good! I worked forever on making lasagna for it and oh did it taste great! Someone brought some egg rolls to die for. There was some killer spaghetti, some amazing enchiladas, fried chicken and some great deserts, fruit salad... for a team of 17 people we had food for 50, easily.

I had joked that I'd lost 12 pounds since starting work there 5 weeks ago and I probably gained them all back in one day. Okay, I ate enough that I'm not totally sure I was joking, at least in my mind. On top of that I didn't walk nearly as much because when you're taking a piping hot pan of lasagna to work, walking to the bus, riding the light rail and walking in to work just doesn't work.

I think the interesting thing is that the two days since the pot luck, I didn't go overboard trying to make up for it all. I didn't go try to walk 10 miles. I didn't starve myself crazy. I just got back to normal, walked my normal amounts (if not a bit less?) and this morning? 359 pounds. I didn't lose any weight this past week, but I didn't gain.

So... stumbling isn't the end of the world I guess, eh?

34 or 54?

2010-08-01T09:16:00.003-06:00

August started on a happy note. My morning weigh in had a 5 in it, and it wasn't the last digit. I broke out of the 360's and am sitting nicely at 359. 359 point zero I should add, since it does weigh in tenths of a pound. This is the first time in the 350's since a year ago maybe?

So depending on how you look at it, I've now lost 34 pounds, or I've lost 54. I'm sure 34 is the appropriate one to state since I'm 34 pounds lighter than when I started this whole blog last year. But having lost 40 originally, then gaining 20 back, and then losing 14 of that again... it's pretty much like losing 54.

Though if I wanted to go that route, I've probably lost a total of 300 - 400 pounds in the past decade.

Okay, that's just depressing to think in those terms.

The key to my latest success? Probably pretty simply not carrying cash (or a check card). I pack a lunch to take in to work with me, usually have a couple miles a day walking to bus stops etc, and if I don't have cash I can't break down and buy junk food. I don't know that I'd say my diet itself is anything too structured lately.

So, as to a surgery update, I'm asking the bariatric center to submit for preapproval to see if I can get scheduled for August. I'm not sure if I've met all the requirements with insurance as far as the 6 month medically supervised structured diet goes, but considering that my current insurance expires the end of August and new insurance kicks in then, I've already met all my deductibles and such for the year under the current insurance, so it will save a ton of money if it can be done under the existing insurance. So, we'll see how that goes.

Maybe I can be to the 340's by the time it happens?

A slight delay

2010-07-02T22:08:00.003-06:00

Ladies and gentlemen, there will be a slight delay in the undergoing of the lapband procedure.

Maybe that should be lady and gentleman. Or just lady? Or just gentleman? Or is even that overly optimistic?

Anyway, back to that delay thing.

Okay, so here's the story on the delay. Albeit the delay part on the surgery is a bummer, it's also a story of good news here and there, so all in all it's good stuff.

The good news is I start a new job next week. I've talked in bits and pieces about my business in the past, and there are times it's really great. But... there are times it's really slow and that can make things really tough on the budget. The funny thing is how it came about, as I was just doing a search for a service center for Sprint phones when one of the results was something about applying for work at their offices in Denver. I had no idea they had any offices in Denver other than their retail stores and such. So it was pretty much on a whim I applied, and before I knew it I had an interview, and then a job offer. So I'm pretty psyched about that.

It's an interesting thing when you look at jobs. There's a stubbornness on my side about the business because I want so badly to make it work. I also know that I can make a lot more doing my business than what I'd be making at this job. That is of course if it's all going well and I'm busy all the time. But the truth is there's a lot of down time and so it's pretty much feast or famine. And quite honestly, the feast portion isn't a real smorgasborg, you know?

And then there's the part that is the great equalizer: Benefits. Bennies.

And the whole health insurance piece really comes in to play when you're considering a surgery such as I am.

Anyway, added to this is another piece of good news. My wife has the opportunity in her career to move into something that would focus on the parts of her career that she's the most passionate about, which is great news, so she too is transitioning into a new position.

And of course, hence comes the delay. With two of us moving into new jobs we have to take a look at what insurance works the best. The good news is my insurance would kick in by early August, hers not much later, so of course we pay to extend the current insurance we are on.

From a surgery standpoint the best thing would be to try to get the surgery scheduled as quickly as possible, as we've met all our deductibles for the year (easy to do with a family our size) so there would be NO out of pocket cost on this going forward. The problem is that my new job requires me to be in 100% attendance for the first couple months during training. So taking time off for a procedure won't work there.

So, right now I'm thinking maybe September or so. But we shall see. We're still waiting to see what kind of coverage we can expect on either of our insurance policies - of course the big question being will either one cover bariatric surgery? And how much of it? So it's going to be an interesting road ahead trying to weigh all of that.

But, given the choice of doing the surgery now and not starting the new job? I'm taking the job, especially in this economy.

And then on top of that is one other tidbit of change for me, part of what helped me finally let go of the business as well. After a lot of soul searching and really trying to determine just what it is I feel the best about doing, I'm finding that the whole people serving thing is what really brings the most joy to me. It's the part I love the most about what I currently do. I don't know if I ever mentioned this in the past in this blog, but my whole work career started out in the ministry, having graduated from Bible College. There was a point I burned out, but I find myself ready to consider going back in. So starting in August I also begin part time pursuing my Masters at Denver Seminary.

Gee, any other changes I can lump into my life? A lot of changes.... and they're all pretty exciting.

Lawn Mowing

2010-06-18T19:36:00.005-06:00

So today the lawn was needing mowing, so in a bit of whimsy I turned on the GPS tracking on my cell phone to see just how long a walk it would be. I figured a quarter mile, half mile, something like that. It's a pretty average size lawn... so it turned out about a mile and a quarter. Which probably isn't that surprising considering it usually takes about a half hour...

What was fun was to look at the picture afterwards....

No, I didn't cross the street and no, I didn't cut across the neighbor's swimming pool behind us... big privacy fence... so I guess the whole GPS thing isn't super precise off a cell phone, but still... kinda fun.

Getting Back to Speed

2010-06-02T22:02:00.004-06:00

Some time back I did a 4 mile walk in which I think I averaged between 16 and 17 minutes per mile, and I was really working for a couple of those to try to maintain around a 15 minute pace.

After all the tightness in my muscles and the troubles my knees gave me for awhile, now I'm feeling like a 20 minute pace is kind of brisk. Amazing what a difference.

This is significant for one reason: The Denver Marathon requires a minimum pace of 4 hours for the half marathon, or 18 minutes and 19 seconds per mile.

I got me some trainin to do.

Actually, the fact that not that long ago I was able to do between 16 and 17 minutes fairly easily and at that time thought that with some more regular walking and training that a 15 minute pace was achievable, that leaves me thinking I can do it again.

The good news is my knee's been rather cooperative lately. For awhile the knee was feeling okay but the rest of my muscles were screaming, and I think it was because I was favoring the knee so much. For a few walks I decided to wrap the knee with an ace bandage and that seems to have made all the difference in the world -- with the added stability or something I could walk a bit more normally. Now I'm where a 2 or 3 mile walk doesn't incapacitate me for the rest of the day -- kind of a good thing you know. And, I've been used to walking much more slowly, so now it's just a matter of getting back into the swing of things.

Plus my wife's going to have me coming along when she's training. Once a week comes the longer runs (or walks for me) and then during the week there are speed workouts and then hill workouts. So this next hill workout is supposed to be something like 8 times up a hill for 45 seconds at a time. Not sure what the time inbetween is supposed to be, but it's supposed to help with endurance. Anyway, I'm working on getting a longer stride in and that's helped -- on my walk today the last mile and a half was closer to an 18.5 minute pace, so.... hopefully by October with a lot less pounds I should be doing good yes?

What am i thinking???

Diet Coke: The Root of all Evil?

2010-05-30T07:32:00.003-06:00

Okay, maybe not all evil. That's going a bit far, all for the sake of a title I suppose. Maybe the root of all plateaus?

My greatest success dieting started with simply giving up soda. I had started off just deciding to give up pop - at the time I was a big drinker of regular soda - I'd call it the sugary kind but I'm not sure I want to call the corn syrup laden stuff sugar. Now THAT stuff is deadly, I will say this much. It was a bit later that I decided to go a step further with the Atkins diet.

And I rocked it! For awhile. Then things kind of leveled out, and that was about the time I had started drinking diet sodas. After giving up pop for so long suddenly the diet stuff didn't taste so awful. There were several months that I was still pretty good about the diet and didn't start lapsing into the foods that I shouldn't lapse into, but at the same time I still stalled out.

I remember before the diet formulating my own theories that diet soda was evil (though at the time it was still more a justification for my drinking the regular sodas, be it still by the gallon or so it seemed) - I grabbed bits and pieces of information I heard from doctors and formed this notion that diet soda ends up being so sweet that it creates this expectation in the body of the sugar that goes with it, and when that sugar doesn't get there it starts craving other things.

Now of course I have other opinions about the evilness of Diet Coke in particular. It has to do with the fact that Diet Coke was formulated to taste like Pepsi, not Coke, and that it was the basis of "New" Coke (of which the scars from its introduction and subsequent removal of "Real" Coke have never really healed). Not that I ever thought Pepsi was all that bad, I drink plenty of it as well. But still, I felt Coke finally got it right when they came out with Coke Zero, being as it tastes more like the real thing.

But when it's all said and done, I find myself realizing that there's still a sense of addiction to the stuff. Whether it be diet coke, diet mountain dew, diet dr. pepper.. just soda in general there are times I find myself really needing to get a soda. And while I don't drink it nearly as much now as I used to, it's still a pretty real thing - meaning craving can be pretty powerful.

And my schedule tells me it's time to go and do things... I guess what I'm coming to is with the surgery coming up that's one thing I'll have to give up anyway.... maybe now's the time?

Eating through a straw

2010-05-26T21:25:00.002-06:00

My wife thinks a good title would be "drinking my life away". There's probably a lot of good titles to be had on this one. Maybe I should hold a contest. All... what? 2 readers? 3? Chime in with a good title. The winner gets... the honor of winning?

This morning was my nutritional class in preparation for surgery. I got to find out some of the realities of life right after surgery. I knew already that I'd be on a liquid diet for a bit afterwards, but I learned more today. Not sure I want to know what I know now.

What caught my attention was what they called a grocery list - things you want to have before you do the surgery. Big on the list was chewable vitamins. Emphasis on chewable. For the first week after surgery the opening into my stomach will be approximately the diameter of a drinking straw. One good look at a typical multivitamin tells you why it's gotta be chewable -- there's no way it's fitting through otherwise. So for a good week or so, if you can't fit it through a straw, it's not going down the pipe.

Maybe that would make a good diet plan without surgery huh? If the food can't fit through a straw you can't eat it. It would be pretty effective. Of course, no one would stick with it either.

The area of my stomach that will hold food will, for that first week, hold about an ounce. Much of that (and the straw size opening) comes from the swelling that occurs after the poor guy's been manipulated around and banded. Once that goes down then I'm essentially working with about 4 ounces of stomach, so even then... that's not much food. Get out your measuring cups and look at a half cup -- and that will be as much as I can put down at a time. Believe me, I've already been staring at one of those and asking myself... what am i thinking???

Well, here's what I'm thinking. I want to be able to play basketball again someday without worrying about what all that's doing to my knees and ankles. I want to get on the floor and get up again without a major production. I want to not have to avoid booths at restaurants. I want to walk by kids without them looking at me wide eyed. I want to walk into places for a sales call or job interview or whatever without being self conscious about my size.

I did go through this thought process of, couldn't you do all the same things that would happen without going through surgery? I'm thinking that's a vague looking question -- what I mean is, the end result of the surgery is that it keeps the portions smaller, so couldn't I do that without surgery and just eat smaller portions? Yes. For a few weeks maybe. Or a few months. Been there done that got the yoyo. The difference being, now (now being then as in after surgery) if I eat too much or fall off course, I'm either puking or just feeling rotten. It restores a sense of self regulation that's gone right now. There's a real sense of being full again. There's a limit to how much food you can eat overall, and if you're not making good choices on what foods those ARE that you eat, you feel it because you're not getting the nutrients you need.

Remember the whole Seize the Day thing? You only have so much time, so make the best of it. It's a similar kind of thing in that you can only fit so much food through this tiny little opening -- if you choose to eat crappy foods -- bread, sugary stuff and such -- you don't get enough protein and nutrients that you really need and you start to feel it. So now you have to start thinking in terms of what are good food choices.

I used to look at this as the easy way out. I look at this one ounce thing and the kind of life long commitment you have to make to a whole new way of life and this is by far NOT the easy way out. It's going to be hard work. It's going to be tough at times.

So I just look at all those things I said I want. Right now that's what I'm thinking. All of a suddent eating through a straw seems pretty okay.

Preparations

2010-05-22T21:34:00.002-06:00

So I spilled the beans last post about deciding to do the lapband surgery. Right now, I don't know when it's going to be. I'm hoping it's not too far away, but a lot depends on insurance and when they get approval.

You get to go through a whole plethora of tests when preparing for something like this. Be prepared to be poked and prodded and stuffed into things. I've spent more time in doctors offices the past couple months than I probably have in my life. I've had more blood taken out for this that and the other thing. The only thing that hasn't been required is a cardio workup, my other consultations have cleared me on that fortunately. But it's quite a process.

Basically they want you to get psychological clearance and then a pulmonary workup. Thank goodness for good insurance eh? In some ways I'm glad I'm doing this now instead of when some of the new health care policies kick in because I wonder in a few years if I'd be able to get in to everyone as quickly as I could. Anyway, the psychological clearance was pretty easy. The pulmonary -- wow what a work up. I'm not sure I can remember all the tests - I got stuffed into a glass cube for a breathing test, had x rays and sonograms and electro cardiograms and some other tests that I can't quite remember all of them. It's been an interesting experience -- all of the pulmonary stuff was done at Jewish National Health, which is the top rated pulmonary hospital in the country so I'm guessing they know what they're doing eh?

I learned a couple new things. I found out I have pulmonary hypertenstion -- a slightly enlarged pulmonary valve that is pretty normal with obesity and/or with severe sleep apnea. I have both, so... surprise! The XRays also showed I have a hiatal hernia where my stomach is trying to escape out my esophogus or something like that... after all the abuse I put that thing through over the years I can't blame it for trying to escape. So then they have me do an upper GI exam where you drink this nasty chalky stuff and they take pictures of it as it goes through you. Really fun stuff. It's been fascinating, I'll say that much.

The thing about this is that it has helped me understand even more that this is the right course of action for me. Not so long ago I though okay, I'm healthy but overweight. Now I find out I've got diabetes, arthritis, pulmonary hypertension and a hiatal hernia. Fortunately none of these are to the point where I'm needing severe intervention, but.... maybe it's time to give my body a break and take some steps to help me get there?

And oh yes... I'm going to start training for a half marathon.

What??? Haven't I learned my lesson from the October jogging fiasco that's still giving my knees fits? Okay, it's not that crazy... just partially so. My wife's the crazy one. In October there's a group in our church putting together a team to run in a marathon and half marathon -- not sure if it's the actual Denver Marathon? Might be. Anyway, my wife's done a couple of half marathons but hasn't for a bit and has been thinking of getting back into one soon so she mentioned maybe training for that one. So I foolishly spout out... if you do the half marathon then, I'll walk a half marathon then, how's that?

She's holding me to it.

What was I thinking?

Do I need to rename this blog?

2010-05-17T09:03:00.003-06:00

So I've been somewhat officially informed that I should be shooting for about 235 instead of 200. So I suppose this should be 158 at 5420.

I do have to say, 158 sounds so much better than 193. Or, with my last weigh in being 365, that would make it 130, yes? It definitely sounds less intimidating than 393.

I'm not sure how easy it would be to change the name, so I'll stick with with the current name. But going forward, the blog will be taking a different direction. It's still going to be reflections and bits about my journey and getting rid of the weight, but... it will be different.

At my last physical my doctor just pointed out that I've done all this up and down for so many years. She pointed out all the other things related to it, now including diabetes, sleep apnea and arthritis and said maybe it's time to consider surgery.

This is not something that I take lightly. I've always looked at surgery as taking the easy way out, that it's a sort of admission of failure. But the part that maybe got through to me was finding out what the actual success rates are for someone in my position - pretty much zero percent. Yes, people lose weight all the time through diet and exercise. The number of people that actually keep off the weight in significant numbers for very long, no matter what diet or program, is extremely low. Like close to zero percent.

It's like you hit a point of no return or something. There's something reassuring in that, to find out that in some ways there's something normal.

I've finally come to a point where I realize it's not a copout to do the surgery. As one doctor explained it, it sort of levels the playing field so that diet and exercise actually can have the affect that they do for other people. It's a pretty major change, but one I can now accept.

I'm still probably a couple months or so out from having a surgery date set, just depending on insurance and all. I'll be getting lapband surgery, which places a band around the upper part of the stomach. The way it works is that as you eat, the band makes it so your food is kept in the upper part of your stomach, and so you get the full sensation early on. It's different than something like the gastric bypass that actually alters your stomach. The band is adjustable, where you can increase or decrease the restriction, and can also easily be removed if need be.

So that's the direction the blog will take -- yes, diet and exercise are still very key, but this will be something to track the journey as I go forward, prepare for the surgery, and what goes on afterwards.

It's scary, and exciting.

So hopefully I start doing better than these current montly posts eh?

Catching up, again

2010-04-18T14:59:00.002-06:00

So I get into this pattern. I post something once a month. When I post it I apologize for how long it's been since I posted. And then I'm sure I'll get better. But... truth is it's pretty much the same stuff. So for now I'll just say I'll post again when I post again.

Not that that really makes a lot of difference -- I mean I'm all apologetic about taking so long to post but really, who am I apologizing to? I've posted so little lately that I doubt anyone's reading this at all, if they ever did, so.... if a tree falls in the forest but there's no one there for it to apologize to.....

So anyway, I have to give thanks to my old college friend Lance, who told me about wowfm.com. It's an online radio station playing Christian music, but it's different cuz it's the OLD stuff. Stonehill, Norman, 2nd Chapter of Acts, DeGarmo & Key, Sweet Comfort Band... talk about memory lane! All the stuff that my friends and I used to play back in college.

And if I may be so honest... most of this stuff wasn't really all that great. But I think I figured that out long ago, but the truth is, I'm loving listening to all this stuff.

Okay, so going back to my D-word post of a little while back (though only a couple posts back)... my doctor has made it official and given me the D-word diagnosis. She's not prescribing any medicine yet or anything, it's a a level that she thinks it can be controlled by diet and exercise.

I've done alright lately. Not great, but not bad either, other than the occaisional trip to get the 2 cherry pies for a buck at McDonalds. I haven't gotten back into a regular walk regimen or a regular bike ride, but i'm doing one or the other frequently enough to be doing okay. My knee is definitely feeling much better, though it still stiffens. My most recent weigh in was at 365, so there's some slight progress -- about 8 pounds in about 2 months time or so.

It's an interesting thing to come to discover you're not as healthy as you thought you were. I think I've talked about this, but I think for so long I felt like okay I was a few pounds heavier but otherwise healthy. And while yeah, I could be a lot worse off... it does make a guy think.

And oh, while I said some of that old stuff wasn't all that great, there were some REALLY good songs from the day. They're playing an old Kerry Livgren song..... forgot how good it was!

So anyway, in light of everything... I guess at this point I'll just say it will be interesting to see how I respond eh? I mean I find myself ready to say okay, I'm all inspired, I've got my wake up call and I'm gonna be awesome from here on out... but sometimes I think that's a lot like how I am with posting on this blog -- it's easy to have good intentions. But right now I think it's better to just let it be what it will be and see how it goes.

I pray though that all this actually does make a difference.

Ecclesiastes and dieting

2010-03-14T20:29:00.002-06:00

Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless.

Encouraging words to start a post, eh?

But that's the kind of thing it's tempting to say about dieting and weight loss stuff after reading some of the information I've received lately.

Basically what it comes down to is that studies have shown that among those with a 40 BMI or higher that it doesn't really matter what kind of diet you choose or even how successful you will be, there is almost a hundred percent chance you will gain it all back within 5 years. 'That's pretty sobering.

The news isn't a whole lot better taking an exercise approach. You can have success for a short while but then statistically you're going to gain it back.

Now reading around after hearing all that, i've seen some things written to dispute those findings. But even the ones I read show that even where there's success keeping weight off, there is still a tendency to gain back 80% of the pounds that were lost. And those studies basically took a wider group of people that are losing weight and include those who are not in the morbidly obese range such as myself. And in those studies, the average weight lost over 5 years? 6. Pounds.

Sorry, I mean yeah, every little bit may be good, but... a pound a year? Not enough.

Kinda makes you want to chime right in with the writer of Ecclesiastes. Meaningless, meaningless.

Now, that said, it's NOT meaningless. Actually I find something somewhat encouraging in it all.

First of all, trying to live healthy and get into healthier patterns of living is never meaningless. Even if you do end up getting off track, it doesn't mean that what we're doing right now is in vain. I lost 40 pounds since starting this blog. I gained 20 back. I've lost 5 of those since then. Yeah, it's a yo yo but I'm better off now than I was 25 pounds ago. Even if I end up gaining those pounds back, I'm better off now. I'm riding my bike more and more, and that's a good thing. Maybe someday that won't continue but at least I'm making myself healthier for now.

But the other part of it is that knowing that ends up taking a bit of stress off, you know? If you have been or are as much overweight as I am, you know what I'm talking about. It's that heavy chain of guilt that goes with the weight... if i'd have just eaten differently, if i'd have gotten out and exercised more... it would all be so different. Those who don't struggle with weight say it's very simple, just don't eat so much. We hear that and take it to heart and we think we're so terrible for being where we are. And then we go, we lose some of that weight, we feel great, but then something happens somewhere, we lose the momentum, it comes back, and we think we're failures.

But here's the truth... we're statistically normal. Incredibly normal. No, maybe not normal being where we are -- but for those of us who have gotten to this point, who have crossed some kind of line and gotten to this extreme level of being overweight, very, very few people ever take it off by diet and exercise and keep it off. It's extremely rare for it to happen.

No, that doesn't mean quit trying. The stakes are too high. The truth is that we know amazingly little about why some of us get to this point and others don't. We know that yeah, it's a matter of diet and exercise and skinny people don't have the trouble we have keeping it up. But there are things that go on inside us, some psychological, some physiological, that skinny people have no idea what it's like. Hell, we don't even understand it ourselves. But it's there and it's more powerful than anyone who doesn't deal with it can even begin to understand.

If it's simply a matter of "if I had better will power I'd lose it and keep it off" then there would be a pretty reasonable percentage of real long term success. It wouldn't be at nearly 0%.

Again, that doesn't mean give up. It's not meaningless. Everything we can do today to make it better does exactly that, makes it better. It buys us some more time, keeps away the real serious stuff that much longer, and keeps us plugging along until we find that breakthrough. For some the breakthrough is surgical... for others there may be something else, I don't know... I have to believe that somewhere along the line we're going to discover something that's going to help us discover what exactly that bondage really is about and no, it won't solve everything, but... somewhere along the line something really does work.

It's not all meaningless, even though it may look it. Just keep hanging on....

It's all in the shoes

2010-02-24T07:07:00.002-07:00

I've lived my life on $40 shoes. Or cheaper. And yet I should know better.

I finally decided to invest in good walking shoes. In the process I even bought some socks at $12 per pair.

It's amazing the difference shoes can make.

This is nothing new. Years ago I stopped by a shoestore that someone I knew owned. It turned out his son was now running the place, and I figured I needed some new dress shoes and decided to try on a pair. It was comfortable, I said I'll take em... okay, not a wise thing to do when you haven't checked the price first. Total cost was $210. I think i had $215 in my wallet, not exactly planning to spend the full amount on shoes - but I was too proud or too foolish (or both) to back down and plucked down the money.

Best. Shoes. Ever. They were so amazingly comfortable. It turns out this guy's store specialized in orthopedic shoes and these shoes were very big in support. I was amazed how good I felt wearing these shoes. And they looked good too.

Since then I've at least focused on buying better shoes at least for work but have still skimped on the athletic shoes. So I don't know, maybe the whole thing of running last November or so and messing my knees up finally taught me a lesson.

All I know is, I did a total of 4 miles walking yesterday between walking to the bus station, doing some extra walking and such, and I'm amazed at how little stiffness I ended up having in my knee. My wife has commented in the past how I still pretty noticably favor my left leg when I walk even as the knee has been feeling better, but it seems like the first thing I noticed after getting these shoes is how much less it feels like I'm favoring it. But the biggest test is how I'm feeling the next day, and... waking up today I wasn't hobbling first thing in the morning like I have been... and that feels pretty good.

There are places to skimp.... shoes is not one of them.

Unspoken

2010-02-19T23:06:00.003-07:00

That is a word that's been a big part of my life.

I know, seems an odd thing to say about someone who's now sitting at his computer blathering on about this, that and the other thing and leaving it there for the world to see.

But when all is said and done, that word says a lot. It speaks of a life of not being willing to take a chance at my flaws and errors being seen. Unspoken is safe. Unspoken is protection.

Unspoken is exactly the opposite of all of that.

I don't know if unspoken is as big a part of life for everyone else. Maybe? Possibly more than I realize. All I can do right now though is speak for myself. I have those times in my life that I look at and think should be unspoken, never to be mentioned again. Times where I thought that I knew what I wanted, not thinking about how that which I wanted had to be unspoken. And if it could not be spoken, it it had to be guarded so much, what could it really be for me?

The amazing thing is, time and time again when I let go of the unspoken, when I release what I so stubbornly hang on to, when I quit being so focused on what it is I'm trying to protect or what I think is the be all and end all, when I finally surrender, when I quit living in fear of the unspoken... when I let myself be vulnerable, God always comes through and lets me have far beyond what I ever could have hoped for.

Sometimes, it's big things. Sometimes it's little things. But every time, when I can finally let go, he shows me there's so much more out there.

His timing is pretty amazing at times.

And this isn't really going where it seems it might be going, more that these are thoughts that come from events of the past few days, and it's just gone over and over through my head. And then that one word came up and it summed it all up, and this light went off, and here I go.

Unspoken.

It all comes from my physical that was this week.

There's always been a hesitance to going in for a physical. There were times where I would absolutely not let myself even consider it. In reality it hasn't been all that long since I've had one. But I always wanted to make sure it was at the right time, maybe at a time when I had some things under control. A time when I've been good at keeping diet under control and such.

See, when you get to my kind of weight, there's always the unspoken.

Here's the deal with me: So much of my life as an overweight person has been about denial. Not really denial about my size, I always knew and accepted, sometimes embraced, that I was big. I started gaining my weight in college and soon after. I never really stressed about it -- I didn't like it but I still knew I was healthy. My blood pressure was good. My cholesterol was good. I was fine. So fine that it wasn't until well into my 30's that I ever even thought about making any kind of real effort to lose weight. I was in denial about any concept that health and weight were related.

When I finally started thinking about and then attempting weight loss, and started reading up and learning things about what's involved with it all, I started to get some head knowledge about things -- things that were really tied to the real dangers of weight and to where I am.

And that began a journey with a big unspoken.

Deep down, I knew what the potential was for something major. But again, that D-word. Denial. If it remained unspoken, unthought about, then it wasn't there.

Stubbornly I hung on to this idea that I'm really okay.

I don't know what started the change. Maybe it was the beginning of this journey. Maybe the success for awhile, maybe even more the set back of gaining back some of what was lost.

That's been my journey really, hasn't it? Up and down. Enough down that I always knew I could tackle it. Enough successes to think I could always conquer it. Maybe part of the denial came from my first year of college -- I gained quite a few pounds my freshman year in college. I was actually underweight going in, but I would guess i was probably 20 pounds overweight by the end of the year. (Today I'd kill to be 20 pounds overweight) That summer, I worked a lot and lost the weight effortlessly. And I think I always thought I could do it again.

Several years ago, I lost 40-50 pounds pretty easily. And so what if I gained it back? I knew I could do it again. Then I lost 86. Incredible! And even when it came back on, I knew that with some dedication and hard work it would be gone again. And so the story goes. And even now, going back through all I've written, I see the same thing, this idea that no problem, it's all good, I just have to buckle down and focus and get back on track and all will be okay.

And that big unspoken hangs out there.

After the run attempt last year where my knee started acting up, I think I started just noticing little things. I'm sure a lot of it came from the realization that my knee is part of my body crying out ënough!" The way my doctor put it, that every step is asking that knee to hold nearly 400 pounds and it just can't keep doing it.

Anyway, getting back to avoiding physicals. The main reason of avoidance is that I knew the role that blood sugar plays with weight, especially with me. The signs are just there. And honestly, I didn't want to see a doctor because I didn't want that inevitable diagnosis. That D-word. And I don't just mean Denial.

The unspoken.

But I don't know, there's something different that has come of the past couple months. Maybe it's the limping around, or being tired of being tired. It was actually last year that the appointment was made for my physical, and I remember being a little perturbed that it had to be such a long time before I could get in.

But this is where God works. Little things here and there. An openness to getting serious about changing. And maybe finally accepting whatever it is.

And being able to speak the unspoken. This time... the unspoken being that D-word. No, that hasn't been a diagnosis, though I went in with, for the first time, an acceptance that I was in all likelihood pre-diabetic. And I know my blood work has come back "consistent with Diabetes." So maybe that IS a diagnosis... and maybe there is still a denial of sorts if I'm not ready to say it's a diagnosis.

But this gets me back to all the other unspokens of the past.

My kids recently had this big kick of watching Harry Potter movies, and I was reading while it was on when I heard people mention the villain as someone who's name is not spoken. I remember being caught by something that was said in response -- that not speaking the name only gives it more power.

Isn't that the truth of Unspoken?

I look at the unspokens of my life. And it's the unspoken nature of it all that gives it power. And yet we strangely hang on for dear life. And then we let go, and live.

And so I learn with this. Maybe if I can let go of my stubborness. Of my denial. Quit hanging on to what I think I need to do and quit avoiding those things, people, ideas, solutions (and work) that are out there.

Let go of the unspoken. Take the power back.

That's where the answer lies.

Back on track with some help maybe?

2010-02-16T08:41:00.002-07:00

I got a note from my son who noticed the mapmyrun settings on my facebook page. Of course, he's got to boast a bit about running 3 miles a day now and so I better be keeping up on my running or he's going to pass me pretty quick.

Of course there's been no running for me, at least not since my little attempt back in November which I'm still paying for. But... I sent him a note back that said well, no running, but I am starting to get back into walking again. In fact, to simplify things around here lately I've been utilizing public transportation to get out to my job, including walking to the bus stops and such, but now with the weather starting to warm up, I plan to start riding my bike to work on a regular basis.

One thing I love about Denver, they really are set up nicely for people getting around without using a car. The transportation system is good, the trail system is great. And the two go great together. Buses have bike racks, you can take your bike on to the light rail, so you can do a combination if you need. The other day I was able to drop the car off with my stepson so he could use it, ride my bike over to the light rail, take it on the light rail to get closer to work, ride my bike the rest of the way to work. That night it was too cold for riding (or that was my excuse) so I could just use the bike rack on the bus... it really makes a great combination and gives me a chance to start getting more active again.

My knee still stiffens up at times, something that seems to come and go. I have my annual physical today and I'm sure that will be addressed... it's been 3 months that it still stiffens up so it's time to find out if it's just a matter of time, if there's something else that needs to be done.

Okay, I know already the first answer is... lose weight.

Ahh, that brings me back to where I was starting out by talking with Josh, my son. I said okay, so I do need to start losing weight and ramping up the exercise again, and asked if he wanted to help keep me accountable.

I hope he does. It'd be fun to keep up on each other at different parts of the world. He in Korea, me here in Denver... maybe a good chance to get back on track here.

the accidental exercisist

2010-01-25T06:58:00.002-07:00

This week begins a week of unintentional exercise. A lot of climbing up and down ladders, walking back and forth ad-infinitum for a work project. Since I'm being paid decently for it I won't complain and overall it should be a good thing for me.

At least as long as I don't fall off any ladders.

Times like this my work can involve pulling cables for phones and computers. It hasn't quite been 2 years ago when pulling cables for some new offices a company was building upstairs when I nearly busted through the floor. Some of the decking that was on the floor was kind of old and rotted, something I discovered as one foot punched through -- I was quite happy about the fact that the rest of me didn't follow, but it was scary enough. I think that was when I figured out that I really didn't want to spend much more of my life up on ladders and such. I'm getting too old for this stuff.

But then, when the opportunity comes along to get paid well enough for doing it for several days... I can overlook that. And if I can get the other guys on the project up on ladders more of the time... that's okay too.

The good news is the bad news is the good news

2010-01-10T09:42:00.003-07:00

Okay, so I have good news and bad news

The good news is we finally replaced the scale that was flooded out.

The bad news is we finally replaced the scale that was flooded out.

373. I've gained a total of 20 pounds since I got down to my low of 353. Ouch.

I guess whether something is good news or bad news often depends on how you choose to look at it. Yeah, it's kinda bad news because it told me I gained more weight back than I thought, I thought maybe 10, 15 at the most. So yeah, getting the scale is bad news.

Or... is it good? What I mean is I'm no longer oblivious. I'm seeing that and thinking, maybe this is the kick in the butt I need to get back on track?

In the end it's up to me whether to make it good or bad.

I can look at the weight and decide that the 20 is bad news. Or I can look at it and say yeah, but for the year I've lost 20 pounds, so there's good news in that.

In the end it's up to me how to approach that. It's what I do with it that makes the difference. I choose to look at the 20 lost as good news, but at the same time not to ignore the other 20 that was lost and then regained. I think I need a healthy balance of the 2... the encouragement of the 20 lost overall, but the wakeup call of the bad.

And if the 20 lost gets me back on track... that's good news.

It's been a good year

2010-01-03T21:04:00.003-07:00

I think when you look back, whether or not a year has been a good one depends a lot on how you choose to look at it.

I can choose to look at the economy, how some of the year has been a struggle financially, or look at how much i've lost momentum from when I started this blog earlier this year.

Or, I can choose to look at all that has been good, and that's what I've determined to look at. And no, it's not just this somewhat phony thing where I say it's been a good year and therefore it must have been. Not sure if that makes any sense, but what I mean is, sometimes we grin through our teeth and say hey, everything's good just for the sake of saying it when you don't really feel it. But for me, when I look at 2009, in my heart it just feels like... it's been a good year.

It's been a full year to spend with my wife, and that has been a fantastic thing. Her spirit, her support, her encouragement, her friendship have been everything to me. Our relationship was a real whirlwind where we only knew each other a few months by the time we were married, but it was one of those things where we just knew that this is what God had for us. And this past year has just made that more real.

It's been a healthier year than I've had for many years. Even if I didn't keep up the momentum and have been on a long plateau as far as the weight loss, I still ended up substantially lighter at the end of the year than at the beginning, and that's always a good thing. Okay, I don't know exactly where I ended up, i haven't weighed in a long time, but I know still it's 30 or 40 pounds lighter than the start of the year.

It's been a year to embark on some dreams. I started my own business finally. It has been a slow go and sometimes I struggle with that, and yet... it's still a go. I've shifted some focus for a bit, taking on subcontract jobs here and there doing work for other companies as a way to bring in more steady income, but that's allowed me to keep the dream of Barnabas Communications going. I look forward to a great year in that.

It's been a year that's been good for family. I know anyone I talk to that hears about our blended family says we have to be insane. And the blending will always be an ongoing process, but I look at my own kids and they're happy. They have a good life and while yeah, it's a bit crowded, it's a good thing.

It's been a year of watching my son grow incredibly. He started the year in basic training and now is a full fledged soldier stationed in Korea. I miss him, but I'm incredibly proud of him. He's grown into a good man.

It's been a year of returning faith. For too long I think I let my faith take a back seat. I always felt I had it, and to some degree I did, but... it didn't have the center of importance to me it used to have. I can't say it necessarily does even now, at least in comparison to where I know it has been at times in my life, but... it's getting back there.

It's been a good year. 2010, I believe, will be even better. I can't wait.

And if there happens to be anyone at all reading... I sincerely hope it's a great one for you as well.

And another month passes

2009-12-23T16:04:00.002-07:00

I watch the snow falling out the window as I type this, the kids are definitely getting a white Christmas.

A lot of time has passed, not an awful lot has happened. Other than learning by experience that lesson of not trying to overdo it at all. Ever since trying that dumb little jogging exercise I've not gone on any real long walks at all. Maybe a mile somewhere along the line. Maybe.

I think I've mentioned how my knees were giving me trouble a few years back, and wondered if I was headed for the same thing. I don't know if it's been the same or not, and fortunately it's been only my left knee. The odd thing is it really only hurting when it's been bent like when I'm sitting. If it's laid out it feels fine. I can remember back now to them hurting more if I've been sitting for awhile, so maybe it's a similar thing? What's funny is after I stand and have the knee straightened out for awhile it hardly bothers me at all. So right now, I just appreciate the fact it's slowly getting better.

Now, diet wise tehre's good news and bad news. The bad news is I'm not sticking to anything much of a real plan lately. While not really overdoing it anywhere, I'm not avoiding any bad foods at this time. But the good news is, as of todaqy I'm 8 days without soda. To me, that's a pretty big deal. Not even sure why I quit -- no real moment of truth kinda things happened, I just decided to quit... I definitely feel a difference in just that alone. The last time I did that, it wasn't long later until I began my most successful dieting ever.

Would be nice to repeat history eh?

Not sure how many months it will be til i'm back on (i like to think it would be days rather than months, but considering my track record....) but to the 2 or 3 of you who may still read this, have a great Christmas. All in all it's been a great year, I hope it has been for everyone else as well...

Help me in my unbelief

2009-11-21T21:34:00.000-07:00

2 nights ago I got the news that John Green, a college classmate, was found to have died in his home of carbon monoxide poisining. His wife Cheryl, also a classmate, was in critical condition but I understand she's made a strong recovery.

John and Cheryl have had a tremendous impact on a lot of lives. Even in college, their example and faith made a huge difference to so many people. John was the minister for many many years at the Christian Church in Clay Center Nebraska. Over the years I'd run into people who knew John and Cheryl through their ministry, and all I can say is that it's a tremendous loss for the church and the community. You could get a sense of the kind of person he was from the report that KHAS TV had on him. http://new.khastv.com/videoplaylist.php?playid=19161

I sat, very heavy hearted and stunned. All I could think about was how sad it was for John. In fact I almost started this off calling it sad news.

And then I stop myself and think... why does this leave me so heavy hearted? When I get right down to it I know I find myself feeling sad for John, and yet... the truth of the matter is he's got it an awful lot better right now than any of us. He's in a pretty awesome place and I know for sure he's not feeling too terrible at all about where he is. I do feel bad for Cheryl, I can't begin to imagine waking up and learning that the man she's been married to all these years is gone. They have 2 kids and a huge family known as the church there. And for all of them, I do feel terrible.

But I know that if I'm honest, deep down I know it's John I have been feeling bad for and that it's a very hard feeling to shake.

I then rationalize it all away by saying when we feel bad like this it's for our own loss. And maybe that would be true if I saw John on a regular basis. I always considered him a friend in college (how could you not? he was just that kind of guy) but since then I've only seen him in passing a few times. I have no plans of seeing him anytime soon. I hope this doesn't sound bad to say it, but there's not really a true personal loss here. That really probably isn't the best way to say things, but what I'm getting at is that there's not an ongoing relationship now and so if it's not been there it really isn't a loss from that side of things.

And so when I shake it down to its core, if I'm being honest, I feel sorrow for his sake. And it's that feeling that leaves me wondering about my own faith.

It's a strange mix of thoughts here. I can't find even a bit of a question in my mind about where John is at this moment. From the time I've known him it has been obvious that here's a guy who has lived out of his faith. I know... I just know... without question or doubt... that his faith has him in a wonderful place, finally getting to enjoy being with the same Jesus he has followed and preached about and walked with for all these years. It can't get any better than that.

But I guess that's the mix of thoughts. Because when I know that, and in my heart I celebrate that, but then I'm feeling sad for him, then it leaves me wondering just how much I really believe it. In the end I think I find myself maybe discovering that while I know in my mind there's a great amount of assurance and belief, but some of the sadness I feel makes me wonder if that faith isn't as much in the heart as it could be? I don't know that this is me knocking myself as maybe understanding a bit more about my own faith, and how there's still a huge amount of room to grow in it.

And I look forward to growing to the point where news like this doesn't trigger an instant sadness for someone but instead brings about an instant celebration for their sake.

It's at this time I think I really appreciate the honesty of a father who came across Jesus and had said "If you can do anything." Jesus called him on that "if" and I love what the father came back with, because I think it so greatly fits in with where I am right now. Maybe where a lot of us are?

"I do believe. Help me in my unbelief"

What am I, nuts???

2009-11-18T13:16:00.003-07:00

Okay, so yes, it's been a couple weeks again since posting. Nothing new here, is there? Not that this is a shock or anything. Actually, some consistant posting would be the real shocker, wouldn't it? At least this time I can say I've just been stinking busy. Which is a good thing. Maybe. I think.

Since income in the self employed world can be very hit or miss, and in this economy sometimes I think too much miss and not enough hit, it really got to where I figured okay, I do need to get some form of regular income. So I've taken a job in the tech support call center over at Dish Networks... kind of a cool place really, and it makes a good combo of my enjoyment of all things technical and just that social aspect (even if it is talking to ticked off customers who can't get their remote to work on the night of the big game). It's enough to at least make sure the bills are paid on the slow months.

But this is Murphy's law in action. The very moment I start doing this evening job, I start getting slammed with work. Now it's all subcontract work for other companies, but that has its advantages as well. Yesterday though came this realization that I have to start setting some boundaries here. It starts with having to run out at 6:30 AM for an urgent early morning call to get there by 7. From there another call that ended up taking the rest of the day. Then off to work my night job right from that job.. finally getting home and realizing that i've been on such a dead run the past few days and with today looking booked solid as well, I needed to get some invoices out and take care of some things. Considering that my main computer has been DOA since crashing last week (note to self -- no more letting teenagers use the computer -- viruses come along happily when you do) there was some extra work to transfer my backed up financial files to this puter... and by the time I'm sending out the invoices it's 2 AM. Okay, so that adds up to working 25 out of the previous 31 hours.

When I get paid for it all, that will be a very nice thing... but there's a point where I have to say enough. So I was not too terribly disappointed when what was going to be a day long job had to be re-scheduled as a result of some equipment not being there. And I did end up turning down another job for today just because I needed to catch up on living. Not to mention a nap. I'm deeply looking forward to leaving in a little while, picking my kids up from school, spending some time with them, cooking supper for them and getting a wee bit of time with my wife before going back to work.

That said... I'll admit that right now being crazy busy is still a much better feeling than business being very slow and living on beans and rice, rice and beans.

Exercise in a different manner

2009-11-01T22:02:00.003-07:00

I had figured on settling into a good walking routine when of course there was a nice big snowstorm here in Denver. We figure a good 16 inches. Of course this puts a crimp in the whole exercise routine, right?

Well in case I was of the mind to wimp out, we wake up Thursday morning to several inches of water throughout the basement. Actually nothing to do with the snow, surprisingly enough, but instead thanks to a nice little root in the sewer pipe and a toilet that decided to run for we're guessing at least an hour after being flushed, lots of water backed up through the floor drain. The water restoration company that came out pumped about 450 gallons of water out of the basement, and now we get the pleasure of 10 big fans blowing air against the drywall throughout the basement.

Because it's considered black water since it came through the sewer pipes (though fortunately very clean looking water) we were advised to get as much out of the basement as possible. So rather than a nice 2 mile walk somewhere, substitute that for dozens of trips up and down the stairs hauling stuff to the garage or patio. Fortunately not a lot of stuff is ruined or anything, though now we're just in wait and see mode to see what the insurance adjuster says, and whether they think they dried things out well enough to avoid future mold problems or if they need to cut out some drywall and dry things off. I have a feeling there's a lot more trips up and down the steps in the near future....

Thinking I'd rather go walking.

Wondering some things

2009-10-26T23:48:00.002-06:00

Okay, so.... I got out a couple days ago and did day 1 of the training -- thought I'd follow the Couch to 5k plan that's out there a lot. And now.... let's just say my knees aren't happy with me.

It's not anything terrible. There's a very definite stiffness and soreness but it's not a debilitating can't walk kind of thing. But after 20 minutes (plus 5 minutes on each side of walking to warm up and cool down) I did shifts of 60 seconds running followed by 90 seconds walking. I felt okay, but it did feel like a lot of jolting around. And actually it didn't feel too bad until the next day.

So the questions come to mind here...

Was it too much? Just from my standpoint of no running at all, was that too much too quick? That's not all that much.

Am I just too heavy to even be thinking about this at this point? It's a lot of weight shifting around on these poor joints and a fair bit of impact.

Was it maybe the shoes? I wondered when I went out (so you'd think, duh! listen to yourself dummy) about the shoes I was wearing because they were a little older and maybe not the most even. I've noticed walking on old worn shoes can have an affect, so running could too.

Am I better off running? Or walking?

Truth be told, the pace I made with the run walk was not really any quicker than some of the walk paces I've done in the past.

Would I be better off just working on a brisk walk, say setting a goal of 15 minute miles?

Or, is it just normal stiffness and soreness setting in that happens when you haven't been running much at all as in my case?

I find myself very torn right now. There's this part of me that thinks... it's just me finding a reason to cop out right away when my body complains afterwards. The other part says yeah but you don't want the kind of knee problems you had a couple years ago, why take a chance? So that first part of me counters that yeah, but maybe give it a chance again by doing one more session but wear the newer shoes and see how it feels. And that other part says I don't want to take a chance right now. Part A calls Part B a whiner, and Part C (the part that is typing) is seriously worried about being schizo.

I am going to target a 5k, but I do think that for now I'm backing down. Part B wins, don't take a chance. A 15 minute mile walk pace is pretty good exercise too, especially for 5k. And 10k isn't at all out of reach.

Or I could do the really, really gradual thing. start with a .1 k, bump it up .1k each week, and in a year I'm up to 5k.

By tomorrow I'll probably have totally rethought the whole thing and who knows, maybe by then I'll be talking myself into marathon training.

Ready to try 5K?

2009-10-24T09:39:00.002-06:00

My daughter's school had a fundraising event yesterday, a 5K run/walk at a nearby park. Basically the whole student body as well as any other family that wishes to participate. I figured I had the time, so... why not eh? My wife started out at the front of the pack, decided to run a good share of it and did it in 41 minutes. Me, just more of a casual walk, and I was in the very back which slowed things, but still ended up at 55:43 which was alright. I know I could do less than 50 minutes if I gave it a good brisk pace the whole way.

But it was kind of funny because the day before, I did a walk around Washington Park, a bit more than 2 and a half miles, and all along I had been thinking, maybe it's time to start training for being able to run a 5k. Nice thing about a long walk like that is you get time to think. So it was like okay, I could start off doing a couple good walks more to just set a pace of sorts, and then start doing some run/walk things to work up. At that time I'd forgotten all about yesterday's event. So anyway, Emily gets home and hands me a shirt -- and I'm like this won't fit so she smiles and says something about motivation. Brat.

The funny thing is though that yesterday when it's all over with, there were enough of the kids who looked pretty wiped out (who also had just walked) and I'm feeling just fine... to the point where I'm thinking okay, if it's this easy, maybe I'm really ready?

And see, for me, that's a huge change in thinking from just a couple years ago. Granted, right around Christmas 2 years ago I started thinking in terms of working up to a 5k run, but I know there were just huge doubts. I'd been at this point where just running a few steps seemed all but impossible. The thought of ever running again just seemed impossible.

Now, I haven't lost any more weight since writing. In fact right now I'm sitting probably 10 pounds up from the lowest I'd gotten to. (Which leads me to the question, if I gain pounds and lose them again, do I get to count them twice?) But I've managed to keep walking at least somewhat regularly, and the part that's been striking is that there are times here and there where it starts feeling natural to break into a little bit of a jog. It's still not a very pretty sight I'm sure and my running form is probably nothing too great at all (far from it) but... it feels like jogging now. See, going back to when I started trying to do some running 2 years ago that was totally different -- I favored the one knee so terribly that it was just terribly awkward and not very natural feeling. And it really had to be forced. Now, I can do it and feel pretty good and feel like it's somewhat normal. Like I said, it's a far, far cry from where I'd like to be but it's feeling really possible now.

One of the things that's nice about the thought too is... maybe catching up a bit with Janice. Here she's gone out and done these half marathons, and here's me shuffling along... Frankly I don't think a half marathon would be un-doable if I'm walking it. But I know when we go out walking she's more prone to want to jog and I find myself envying her some on it and so now I'm like, okay, why just be envious, why not actually do something?

So... here goes. The trick now is to find a 5K in January around here -- okay, that's not much of a trick at all because there are 5k runs all the time around here, this town's 5k crazy... last night when I was picking up the kids from school a ton of people were making their way to Wash Park with running gear and costumes, some Halloween 5k I'm guessing as there were all the usual tents and stands and such -- it seems like there's always something like that.

And hey, maybe it gets me blogging more? After all, there's that progress. And what's cool about the school event is, I have an actual benchmark to compare to.

Catching Up

2009-09-07T09:48:00.002-06:00

So here I get to Labor Day, and pretty much from Memorial Day to Labor Day I've been holding pretty steady, maybe gaining slightly, definitely not losing any more. I know what my biggest problem is -- junk food. If I'd stick to the basic meals I'd probably do okay.

The house is definitely feeling empty today. My wife's ex-husband's father passed away, so she's off to Iowa with her kids for the funeral. Kinda weird making meals for only the 5 of us. But it's a good day to get a lot of stuff done around the house, patching some nail holes and painting over them in the bathroom, cleaning up some rooms, rearranging the garage. I figure it'd be nice to have some things done up around the house for her to come back to.

The teaching thing didn't come through. It's kind of a bummer, but I know it all worked out really well for the school. It turned out the position that the guy who left to take wasn't what they made it out to be, so they hired him back to his old position. It's a good thing overall as I know they really liked him, and I think he realized how much he loved what he's doing, so for both sides it's a good conclusion. For me, I guess it's mixed feelings. I found myself looking forward to the prospects, and yet somehow I end up knowing that it's better this way? It does leave me wondering what to do next, as so far my business isn't taking off like I'd hoped and I do need to be bringing in some income. Maybe I'll drive a cab part time eh?

I am getting more opportunity for exercise, that's a good thing. Maybe I should say taking more opportunity, it's not been a matter of whether the opportunity has come along. I find that what helps is getting the application back on my phone (phone had to be replaced) that tracks the walks with GPS and it seems to add some incentive to get out more. The other thing that kind of helps (though it hurts in some ways) is that my daughter's school choir is doing a tour to St. Louis over Spring, so for fundraising they man a concession stand at the Bronco's games, and I've worked a couple of those. You definitely get your work in there, and that's the good part. At the same time, 7 straight hours on your feet takes its toll and it's a lot harder to get out the next day, so that's the one drawback.

Not much more to report, other than it's football season again! Woohoo!!

A New Direction?

2009-08-27T21:34:00.002-06:00

Okay, so how's this for something unexpected? Possibly teaching high school?

Okay, it's like way part time -- The technology coordinator at my daughter's school is taking a different job, and he taught a couple classes of web development, so they put out a thing that they are looking for someone to teach those classes.

So here I am, no teaching experience, no formal education at all in web development, no real professional experience other than i put together a few websites here and there, totally self taught... and here i am interviewing tomorrow for teaching the class.

What am I thinking????

Actually, I'd been thinking that a part time job would be a good idea for getting a pittance of steady income until work on my business becomes more steady. I was thinking something like delivering pizzas.

but teaching high school?

What am I thinking????

What's nice though is it's the very start of the day, i enjoy working with it all, and after talking with the tech guy it fits in with what I know... and hey, why not test the water and see what i think? yeah, i could be in totally over my head. or i might like it. If they're even considering me given my total lack of experience or education you'd think a person would need, they must need someone pretty desperately. I figure hey, i know a little, i have the flexibility, maybe i fit a need, why not eh?

What am I thinking???

Another month goes by

2009-08-19T22:46:00.002-06:00

I keep commenting on the long time between posts. So what do I do about it? Create more blogs. (Somewhere the definition of insanity fits in here...)

I started out with the blog for my college football site, something that has been even more horribly neglected than this blog. I feel kind of guilty, that site was kind of the beginning of my whole web persona, and I'm still quite proud of the site even though I haven't had (or devoted) the time to keep it up like I used to. I won't try to describe it if you haven't seen it, it's www.heavyweightfootballchamps.com. But it's been fun coming up with the concept and still getting a reasonable amount of visitors, even as neglected as it is. But hey, football season's around the corner, maybe it's time to get cracking.

And so as I neglected that site, I created another blog (this one) to neglect. But at least it's not as neglected as that one, so it's all good eh? This one kind of comes and goes, depending on my motivation and keeping up with diet and exercise and all that. But then again, it's been over a month since my last post. Sorry?

And so instead of getting better about keeping up this blog or the other one, what do I do? Create two more. Sheesh, what's up with that?

These two are for my business. Of course I really should think seriously about the wisdom of that because yeah, you can neglect a hobby website, or neglect a personal blog, but in the end what's the worst that can happen? Lose the 2 or 3 readers that still come to either one? Which is not to suggest that losing the readership of anyone of you who may happen to browse upon this thing is anything I would want... (and I'll stop now before I dig myself into a big hole).

But when it comes to business, it is something that will require some dilligence. There are some good marketing reasons for blogging for your business, but neglect can be something rather (or nearly) fatal. And I know that full well. And yet, I don't learn.

One, Simply Communicating is related to my business website. So that's the one where I at least try to act like an expert on communications and throw out some tips, ideas, and give a little bit of information about what's up with Barnabas Communications.

The other is the end result of a marketing idea I had. When I started Barnabas Communications we were in the depths of this recession (still are, last I checked). But something I really liked that I heard someone say, and later heard from Dave Ramsey as well... way back when the whole economy was falling apart I remember a manufacturer rep saying we refuse to participate in this recession. That statement resonated with me like you wouldn't believe. For me it's so easy to get into the excuse game, and when things aren't going so well (especially if you're working in sales) it's so easy to blame it on the economy. Back in April when I stepped out over the edge (and I'm still not sure whether I'm floating or falling fast) and started the business, that was a key thing to me. It's a silly, maybe stupid time, to start a business, but.. here i am anyway.

So then I thought, this is a theme I want to really push forward. There is a certain point where recession is a state of mind. Yes, there are huge outside forces (and massive government stupidity to boot) but in the end it all comes down to the confidence of the consumer. And to me it just made sense to say, to heck with the doom and gloom, this is going to happen, and it's going to go well! So to a certain extent, I really mean it.

On top of that, I thought one of the best things I could do for businesses in a tight economy is to give away some advice. In the end I think it helps establish myself as someone they can depend on, so why not. And I thought at first calling it something along the lines of a recession buster, but that didn't really resonate well, so I scrapped that. But the whole thing about refusing to participate in the recession kept coming back to me, and in the end it became something along the lines of hey, we don't want to participate, and we have some ideas that can help you not participate... and thus Unparticipate was born. And now there's not just the business website, but the Unparticipate website. Now it's mostly about offering this guide we put together. But with it, I started thinking that what would be cool is to make it interactive, get ideas from other industries and such. So... the best way (I thought) is to put up a blog. Put out ideas here and there. Ask for ideas. Publish the best ideas I get. And so.... the Unparticipate Blog.

And oh, yeah. I became a twit. Or whatever the term is. You know, a tweeter that tweets. A twitterer. (Those who know me best say, stick to the original, it fits). I don't know if anyone is out there in twitter world that would ever really benefit from the ideas and tweets, but, it's one more way to get the word out there about Barnabas. So, hey, who knows eh?

So now with 4 blogs to my name, a twitter account, and of course the facebook (works great for keeping up with old friends, even if it does mean seeing old embarassing pictures from college days)... I gotta wonder when I ever get time to actually do any real work.

...and what a year

2009-07-18T16:05:00.002-06:00

This weekend Janiece and I celebrate our first anniversary. It's hard to imagine it's been a year already, but... it's been a really, really good year.

Because of her, there's been this amazing difference in my outlook on life. Life just seems... good. That seems terribly understated. But it's just that when the world around us is in turmoil, it doesn't matter, life is good. She brings a calm and a joy to life. She has made this a really, really amazing year.

There was a point where I wasn't really sure what was ahead, and yet, it was like God was saying just you wait, I've got something really really good for you. And he came through in a big way.

Definitely cause for celebration.

19.49 miles

2009-07-16T07:27:00.002-06:00

Wednesday nights is our 'Band of Brothers' mens group, and I've typically tried riding my bike out for those except on occaisions where the weather would get in the way. They moved it now to where it's meeting at a coffee shop, although that coffee shop is in the opposite direction from me. But that's okay. The nice thing is I can get there almost exclusively by trail, though that trail does end up going a couple miles longer. In the end, according to mapmyrun, it turned out to be a total ride there and back of 19.49 miles. It felt good being able to say I did it. It feels even better to be able to sit here this morning and not feel dead to the world for it all.

There are some guys from church going this weekend to hike up a 14er, and it looked pretty intriguing. It was stated as 'strenuous hiking' requiring proper hiking boots and hiking pole etc. (14er is the term they use around here for mountain peaks 14,000 feet or higher). 13.5 miles. It's the kind of thing where I find myself wondering if I'd be up to THAT kind of hike. Enough other things are going on that it's really not an option anyway, but... it does leave me wondering....

Celebration in the face of sad news

2009-06-26T21:38:00.005-06:00

Two big stories in the news lately come to mind. Obviously, the death of Michael Jackson, and the other one that sticks out to me is the Governor of South Carolina and his recent affair.

I think the thing that stands out to me is the way the world points its finger in judgment. And I find myself doing the same thing, so I guess I'm no better than the rest of the world now, am I?

And that very fact makes me stop and realize... I'm no better than either of these two people either, you know?

The truth is, maybe they're not all that different than you or I, despite having high positions and fame. They're still people. They have things about them that are good, and... flaws. We just happen to notice them more when they're so much in the public eye. And really, we want to drag them 'down to our level' not that I really think there is any level to drag them down to (or up to for that matter).

But because they've been blessed with the talents, abilities, skills, and opportunities to be in the public eye, we also know all about their flaws. And we judge them viciously.

I don't know, really, about whether Michael Jackson ever did the things he's accused of. So I won't try to speculate whether he did. I can't help but think that when it's all said and done he didn't know how to cope with all the stuff that comes with the level of fame he achieved. Who knows what kind of affect it had to be a star at childhood to the point that, maybe he never really got to be a kid.

I guess it really doesn't matter right now. There's a circus going on right now but when it's all said and done, some kids lost their father. There are people who lost a family member, others who lost a good friend. The fact he was famous doesn't change anything, the pain of losing someone close is just as real for them as it is for us. It's incredibly sobering to see it all. So much of the commentary I hear lately is about how there was so much potential and ability and yet the tragedy of it all is how this is a man who in the end was mocked so much.

But that's not so different than real life for everyone else, is it? Loss like that is difficult because it's final. There's no chance now to change things. Michael was working on making a comeback, but it won't happen. That's how it always seems to happen for us because we think there can be that comeback, that those things that are flawed can be improved, but then something happens and it can't be.

And the other story is the whole deal with Governor Sanford taking off for awhile, where his affair with this other lady all comes to light. And again, we see the humanity, how the reality of life is pretty much the same whether you're famous, whether you've got power, or you're just an ordinary person.

I hear the venom from people on both sides of the aisle. I see the world shaking their heads at this guy. I hear people on the radio saying they can't imagine how someone could do such a thing. There's contempt because this was a guy who was all about family values and look what he did. And yet... if you get down and examine the lives of all the critics (including you and I), how many of these critics have their own secrets and sins that just haven't been brought to light? Who are any of us to compare and criticize?

None of us can really understand why he did what he did. I mean, how can a man with such power (some considered him a potential candidate for President) throw it all away by doing something so stupid? But have we ever considered that if a guy in his position does what he does despite all of the risk, there have to be some powerful emotions and factors at play that we cannot begin to imagine?

This is in no way trying to justify anything that either of these men may have done. I just know that... I know how it feels to have screwed up, I know how it is to feel the weight of peoples' judgment, much of it earned.

And I know what the grace of God means to me. Something that's taken a long time to really begin to appreciate.

Maybe that's what this is about in the end. The weight of the world's judgment comes down on these two figures, but to me it just shows that here are a couple of men who, despite their talents and fame and power, we see their flaws. We see men who know pain, whose failures are there for the world to see. We can go on and on about how they should have done things differently, that there's no real excuse for things that were done, and we'd probably be right.

And yet, the failures and the flaws are there. Just like they are there for you and I.

And maybe in the end, these stories are something to celebrate. Because they point out something about the reality of the human condition, and that is, that it is deeply flawed. Our sins and our weaknesses bring us all short, whether we are ordinary people living ordinary lives, or lives of power and prestige. And no, the fact that everyone fails and has flaws is not the part that is to be celebrated.

The celebration is that our fate, our end does not have to be determined by the mistakes we make, no matter how terrible. God saw those flaws, those weaknesses, those sins that are part of us. And instead of pointing the finger like we're so prone to doing, he did something about it. He sent his son.

What incredible hope! THAT is the celebration... because at least for me these things remind me of my own sin... and remind me of the incredible Grace God has given me. And all of a sudden... life is good.

Bike to Work Day

2009-06-22T21:38:00.003-06:00

Wednesday is Bike to Work day in Denver. I'm kinda liking the idea, it's intriguing I must say.

When I got my bike, I had this image of commuting by now. Back then it was about 15 mile trip in to work, and there was one day I dropped my work truck off and had hauled my bike out and rode it back. But that was pretty much it for the bike to work thing. Okay, a lot of that has to do with when things changed with my job to where I was no longer on salary but straight commission, and pretty much prior to deciding to do the work from home thing.

You know... biking to work is pretty easily done when you work at home. "Yeah, I'm all Green, I bike to work." All I gotta do is go down the drive way and back up.

Pathetic huh?

That all kinda falls hand in hand with this whole plateau I'm on right now, come to think of it. I don't know if the changes at work and going self employed have a part in it all or what. It's an interesting thought if I wanted to dig a little deeper. But I don't.

Although.... all day Wednesday I'll be about 4 miles from here installing a new phone system. I could bike there. And let me tell you, it's an easy ride. ALLLLLL downhill. Coming back... different story. Yikes!!! Good thing buses in this town all have bike carriers on them eh?

A bike's not really a great service vehicle. But you know what I want to do for a service vehicle? I'm dead serious here: Smart Car! I have test driven the things and even at my size... they're awesome. But the biggest thing about them to me, and the total appeal is the billboard value of the things. Imagine having one of those things wrapped with a well designed logo and all that. Those puppies get attention. Okay, they're not great for carrying a ladder (though it could be kinda cool looking)... though I am taking a good look into those fold up ladders, because if they would work.... it might be a great way to go. Not as green as a bike, I know, but still not too bad. And definitely not as sweat-causing!

I am excited about doing this installation. This is the first big deal for Barnabas Communications. I've done a lot of little odd jobs here and there but not making great money... kinda the thing where I was about ready to fire the sales guy (a little scary to do when you're a one man operation). But then this was something that got referred to me, and it turned into something much bigger than I expected, and now I'm in the middle of the project and I'm pretty psyched about it. It's kind of fun, you know?

Actually, building this business is fun. Coming up with the plans and concepts and structure of it all... I've even got my logo! Right now I'm back and forth between running like a chicken with my head cut off at times trying to make sure I've got everything covered on the job I'm doing, and then stopping, stepping back, and saying okay, how does this need to happen and what do I need to do to make this go? And I think that I've had times I've been so terrified and really doubting if I could do it because after all, I wasn't exactly selling a ton of stuff where I was before now, was I? And yet, here I am now getting to do the kinds of things that I've always believed should be done, and putting it all into motion now, and it's exciting.

And the thing that amazes me is that as I talk to people about what the business is all about, I can tell they like it. They really seem to believe I've got something good. And I find myself asking, why couldn't I get people to agree with me when telling them about what I'm doing working for other places? And I think the reality of it has come home... people have always agreed with me, and I just didn't know it. That ultimately, in the end, I didn't totally buy into the company or the product or something like that. But now, I've been able to take some new ideas, and implement them. No longer is there the "we can't afford to do it that way" or "that will never work." I know it WILL work, and I'm finding myself amazingly passionate and even articulate about it when describing the concept to people... and they believe in it!

My wife has been amazing about it all. When I knew things were about to change at the other company and I'd no longer have a regular income, I started putting down my ideas on paper. When it happened, we sat down and talked it over. I knew relying on that position for a regular income wasn't going to work. I also knew that in this economy, doing a job search would take some time and income would dry up a little while. And I also knew that what I wanted to do wasn't being done by anyone else, and as we looked at the numbers we realized it was a very viable possibility. I'll admit that for a few weeks when the income was just a trickle, there are those times of thinking, is this really the way to go? It's a challenge when you're not producing the kind of income you were and everyone has to cut back to beans and rice for awhile to get by, and as a guy, that's the kind of thing that's real easy to get down on oneself about. But Janiece has been incredibly supportive, maybe even a bigger believer than even myself. And while I know this one job is not IT, it's the ice breaker I was looking for and I know it's the beginning of something very successful. And that's exciting.

The only thing I'm wondering though is... how professional would it look for a really big guy (see the last post to see what I think about how big) to show up to work on the phones wearing bike shorts.

Kinda makes you shudder huh?

Maybe the 'up and down the driveway' thing is enough to suffice for bike to work week.

Unexpected Motivation

2009-06-21T10:45:00.002-06:00

I'd mentioned the stuff about sleep in the past. Lately the whole sleep thing seems to be okay but even after manipulating mattresses around, I find myself waking up with back soreness, it's as though the different slopes in the bed are enough to create some strain. So it leads to a conclusion, gotta get a new bed. Well, that's well and good except that budget can be pretty tight while you're trying to get a new business to take off. But sometimes when it bugs you enough you start thinking okay maybe it's time to break that resolve of not using credit.

I find myself wondering if the back thing is another of those chicken or the egg things. I tend to wear the outside of my heels down, and all of my shoes are in that condition right now, and when that happens I know my back starts getting sore. So... is it my bed creating the problem, or is it my shoes? One creating the problem and the other just making it worse... At least shoes don't cost as much as a bed, that's one good place to start.

Of course, it's silly to even ask either of those questions. The real thing is....

I'M TOO STINKING FAT!!!

Okay, so anyway, the other morning I woke up about 5 and after a little tossing and turning it became clear... I'm not going to fall back asleep. Okay, good time to get out and ride my bike or something. So I set out, and after a mile and a half or so it's like ow, my back's fussing too much, time to turn it around and head home. But then, part way through the day, I'm realizing hey... my back isn't hurting. What's up with that? The only thing I can think of is, bike ride. I realized that by the time I got home it wasn't hurting. Hmmmmmm..... So, next morning, I went out and did the same thing, and my back's feeling fine then. I don't know if maybe the bike riding is stretching it all out some? So now I'm getting out each morning for a short bike ride. So in some ways the back thing is good for me cuz it's getting me back to being out more regularly.

I know I find myself getting caught up in all the stuff of life and it makes an easy excuse to not get so involved in exercise. Too little time, you know? So this whole thing is a good wake up call.

That and, did I mention, I'M TOO STINKING FAT!!!

I'm a real fan of Dave Ramsey and his approach on finances. The one thing though that he says about getting yourself out of all the financial ick you create in your life is a lot like what they say about addictions and such, that you never really do anything about stuff until you get just too sick and tired of the circumstances. Then you develop what Dave calls "Gazelle Intensity."

So maybe I'm getting too sick and tired of the fact that I'M TOO STINKING FAT!!! and maybe that's the beginning of my Gazelle Intensity.

Although......... What doesn't help is something like Friday night. My wife and I decided we needed a date night. Some time back we had bid at a silent auction on gift certificates to this place that's not as well known yet, and won the bid. This was a good time to use that. It's this little place called Bistro One. It's one of those places that, as I looked it up to see what their menu was and all it just seemed... too trendy? One of those places that really focuses on having a modern and fancy decor, but I wasn't sure how I'd like it.

We walk in, and it's sort of an Art Deco, black and white decor but it just seems noisy or something. And I wasn't sure how I was going to like it all to be honest.

But then the food arrives. And Oh. My. Gosh. Very, very few times in my life have I ever found myself so surprised and amazed at just how good the food is. For an appetizer we got a cheese plate. They had 5 different cheeses with sauces and such. Like Gouda cheese with tiny chopped up strawberries. I never would have thought the taste combinations would be so good but it was all amazing. Then we got Ribeye steaks and they were simply amazing. They just melted in your mouth and the taste was astonishing. And I think I've had some pretty great steaks in my life, but this was incredible. The steaks alone were enough to satisfy your hunger, and my wife is not a big eater at all, but there was just something about the experience that we had to get desert, and even the desert was incredible. Service was top notch, food was incredible... this is a place that's still just getting started out, it's not even 2 years, and I know restaraunts like that are struggling a bit more in this economy, but I sure hope this one can continue to make it because it's just... too good to fail.

Probably not the kind of thing that helps a diet be successful, though truth be told lately it's been more like, "what diet?"

So I suppose it's good to wake up this morning and be sore and so aware of the fact that I'M TOO STINKING FAT!!! because it helps offset the feeling you get when eating such an amazing meal Friday that leaves you thinking, do I really need to be on a diet?

Weddings and diets

2009-06-14T20:01:00.003-06:00

Quick trips to weddings don't always make a good mix for diets. Everything is sandwiches, sandwiches, cake, more sandwiches and chips. And more sandwiches. It's not just the stuff at the wedding but on the trip as well.

That said, it doesn't have to be a disaster. I'm hoping I ate in moderation enough to not have it be said disaster. There was some GREAT barbeque at the rehearsal dinner. And enough things that you can pick things out that are not as bad for you.

It was good getting back home though. For just long enough. We took off Monday morning for the 7 hour drive and left sunday noon to come back. It was enough to touch base with folks and see the home town, see how much things have changed (and how little overall they've changed) and it made for a nice trip.

The wedding was nice as well. I think it was kinda a big deal in the family, as I grew up with 3 brothers, so we didn't have any of the girl's side of the wedding to be part of. Ame (was supposed to be Amie but my brother was a basketcase when they asked what her name was to be and he misspelled it) is the oldest of all the kids between us (if you don't count my stepkids anyway) so it's the first wedding for any of us.

And having watched this, I'm realizing that with 3 daughters and 2 stepdaughters... the future costs ahead of us are terrifying. So I think we're creating a policy -- we pay for the justice of the peace and we'll buy airfare to anywhere they want to elope. Nice and easy. I like it that way.

Wonder what a difference a year makes....

2009-06-12T06:19:00.003-06:00

We leave this morning to go to my niece's wedding back in Nebraska. Last time I was in Nebraska I was about 40 pounds heavier. So I'm wondering how noticable it will be, mainly because I've been at this level for so long now that that's what I see.

I'm not expecting much notice though. Mainly because it's been a year since everyone's seen the kids, and they've all grown so much that that's sure to be what gets their notice.

It will be good to go back for a little while. And it will be good to come home again.

The value of sleep

2009-06-03T17:23:00.002-06:00

Sleep seems to be one of those chicken or the egg kinda things when it comes to weight loss. As I get it, weight loss comes more easily when you sleep well, but.. I think too it's like sleep comes more easily when it comes to weight loss.

My wife has noticed that I'm having a harder time getting up in the mornings lately. I always wondered about how much the whole motivation thing played in this all, where i'm still on this plateau, so it's like it doesn't come quite as natural to jump out of bed to go on these killer walks (even though the weather's SOOOO much better for it now). But I'm thinking there's more to it lately because I find myself waking up tired more often than I have for a bit.

That has had me a bit concerned, because one thing I've fought through much of my life has been sleep apnea. Essentially that's where you quit breathing while sleeping. There's a longer explanation of it, but anyway I finally went in a few years back and had a sleep study done (which i foolishly avoided for too many years because of the cost) and I can't tell you how tremendous the difference is now since I've done something about it, but lately I know i started to wonder if that was flaring up again or something.

But... I think i figured it out. Thanks to some back pain... lately when I'm laying down i've found that when I turn just so there's a real twinge in my back. And when it's like that, you start noticing things like how uneven the bed is. Or I'll put it this way, I think i've created a divot in the bed. Put it another way... i'm too darn big for it. So when you're laying uneven like that, it has it's effects. And I think that what's happening is while I'm sleeping my body's trying to balance itself against this chasm and so i'm not really resting.

Another point of motivation?

A New Sure Fire Diet Aid!

2009-05-31T22:10:00.002-06:00

I think I figured out a great way to deal with the temptation to eat.

Our house is about 50 years old, and along the basement ceiling is about a 20 foot section of drainpipe from the kitchen sink that goes towards the sewer stack. That's where the 50 year old part comes in because over time, that drainpipe has had all sorts of opportunity to corrode, to the point that it was leaking pretty good. This weekend was finally time to change it.

Now... I'm not especially adept at plumbing. There's a reason I'm not in that business! But somehow we managed to cut out the old pipe and get it replaced, and so far (knock on wood) no leaks in the new piping (the much lighter, much easier, black plastic pipe they use now).

As to the diet aid: I may have to keep around a small piece of that old pipe. 50 years of gunk and ick and... well, we could use more explicit language here... is built up in these pipes to the point there was just a very small hole through them. Gross is a word that does not come even close to doing it justice. Between the smell and the look and all of that... just the general ook of it all (if that's a word)... we'll just say my appetite was not very powerful. That's why I need to keep a piece of it, because if temptation strikes all I have to do is look at it and I'm quite un-hungry.

If anyone else needs help fighting temptation, I may put pieces up for sale. Let me know...-

Good weekend

2009-05-17T22:15:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I finally decided to step on the scale for the first time in a few weeks. It's been that kind of time where, I've not done great the past few weeks, though not awfully either. I've kept up the exercise for the most part, in fact I think that's improving. But I know i've not been super faithful diet wise.

Soooo.... 356. 3 pounds up, but honestly I wasn't sure if i was 5 or 15, so 3's not bad, hey?

Yesterday I wondered if I overdid it. Well, not on the exercise bit itself, I went out on a 3 mile walk around noon. I did decide to mix in some jogs, basically 30 seconds of jogging, 2:30 walking for about 2 and a half of those 3. It felt pretty good, didn't feel like i overdid it at all, and felt pretty good later in the day.

It was the later part, and not really overdoing it. My daughter's high school choir is fundraising for next year's choir trip and the school's traditionally raised funds by working concessions at Invesco field. Now that will mean REALLY working come Bronco's games, but last night was just a Lacrosse game. Very small crowd really, and the work wasn't too hard. But it was the getting there at 3 and leaving at 11 and being on my feet the entire time, that as i'm shuffling slowly to the car i'm thinking to myself... maybe that run earlier wasn't such a good idea.

This morning I woke up with a sore ankle, though through the day it was getting better. We went out tonight to Bear Creek Lake which is a pretty neat park, and walked around. It was about 2 miles total but very leisurely. It all went well except for Kaylee (daughter #2) who took her bike along and went riding. As we get back, no one has seen Kaylee.... so as we start looking around the lady at the park entry station waves me down and asks if I've got a daughter named Kaylee... turns out she ended up at the golf course several miles away and someone there thoguht of having her call the entry station to see if anyone was looking for her. (along the same trail that went through the park). So there's the one side that is, good for her for getting a good ride in... but, that part about turning around after a couple of miles and going back musta slipped out the other ear.

All that said, I feel good. And am a little encouraged about the scale thing, though I'd much rather be under 350. (Granted, I'd much rather be under 250).

Time to dig through the plateau though....

If I can't keep up with this blog....

2009-05-14T11:39:00.002-06:00

How do I expect to stay current with another?

My track record on blogs isn't so great. I've got primarily this one, another one that hasn't been posted in since January (I do a website called Heavyweight Football Champs and I blog about my opinions about the whole college football national championship thing, something i've not really blogged about much lately as it's not been on the top of my mind with all other things of life going on...) So now, I'm starting a new blog. What am I thinking??? This one's for my new business, so it will be more about business communications and phone systems and all that fun stuff.

It's fun, and slightly terrifying, getting this whole thing started. The fun thing is that I'm seeing some passions come out, I'm seeing these visions of what I want to see in the business and how it is so very different than similar types of businesses (aka the competition). But the terrifying part... well, one of course is the whole thing about whether it will actually make any money, the other is always wondering if i'm up to the challenge.

And yet... somehow I just know i am.

Went out last night bike riding... about 14 miles total, which was really good. My cellphone GPS program has a little elevation screen that shows the elevation along the way. There is one spot where there is a line almost straight up... if you compare that to the speed graph (showing how fast you were going at different parts)... that line straight up would coincide to the line straight down where i walked this.... really nasty hill. Someday.... I'll be making that hill just fine!

Kittens, scraps, plateaus and new beginnings.

2009-05-09T09:16:00.003-06:00

Not sure what all those have to do with... well, with anything? Not to mention this blog, although, this blog is just about life, and... okay, let's be really really honest here. It has been a long long time since I posted anything at all and I'm totally clueless what to post even now but I'm trying to get back into the discipline, so... I'm just going with what's going on with life lately.

so, kittens and scraps... life around here lately has been consumed with 5 little furballs all with extreme cases of A.D.D. They're fun, they're maddening but too cute to get too ticked off at. I'm thinking life will seem very different soon though as they're almost old enough to find new homes. 3 of the 5 already have homes waiting for them, and while i know the kids are really hoping to keep one if not both of the remaining, we're defnitely going to be more than willing to let the others find homes as well. That becomes more true as they tear into my wife's fabric stash and leave scraps all over, or as they leave little gifts everywhere except the litter box. all that said... they're definitely fun to watch.

Plateaus... Was chatting with my daughter's doctor during a visit a couple weeks ago and she'd known I'd been doing this whole dieting thing, so she asked about how I'd done so far and all that, so she asked if I was at a plateau right now. i thought that was an odd question, but the truth is i've been fluctuating up and down about 5 pounds or so for awhile now. so, how'd she know? did i look like it? did someone tell her? I think she could tell I was wondering that by the look on my face and she said that just the point i'm at, the amount i've lost, the amount of time i've been at it, that it seems a pretty typical place for a plateau.

great. i don't want to be typical right now!!!!

i'm wondering in some ways if the blog and the plateau are a bit related? actually that is a thought that came up as i started this post because i used the word discipline. So I've fallen out of the discipline of writing in this, at the same time i've fallen off some of the disciplines otherwise... things that make you go hmmmm, huh?

I make a lot of excuses right now, for both. Most of the excuses center around life being rather busy lately, and around that new beginnings part. Which I'll get into here in a moment. But here it is May, and when there's a total of 10 kids between us things can get crazy. I'm sad right now for having missed my stepdaughter's college graduation just because it coincided with other school activities that required my attendance. But this is one of those times when life gets crazy. But you know the amazing thing? It's great! It's hard to explain, cuz it's mind boggling at times to the point where people wonder how we do it... but... it's life, and life is something that is very, very good. I'm relishing in having all of this going on. Even if it is sometimes exhausting, there's something at the end of the day where i'm left thinking... this is what it's all about.

ahhh, so... new beginnings. Part of the reason for being so busy also has to do with launching out now with my own business. Barnabas Communications! For me it's not a new name, I've somewhat launched it before doing some different things over the past few years. All of that has always been testing the water with one foot while keeping the other foot in other pools or seeking out other pools. But now, I'm diving in. It's scary and exciting all at the same time.

Put simply, i've spent too long being part of an industry where you have to really hype up the high tech aspects of what you do when in the end it still just ends up for the vast majority of customers pretty ordinary. And yet, having been involved enough in both the marketing AND the technology/service side of things, I know all the stuff we promise is there and can be pretty extraoridary. The problem is that we don't put the emphasis into making it extraordinary, we just put the emphasis into selling it.

So I've spent a lot of time on... how do you make it extraordinary? Over the past few months as the economy has tightened, the company I worked for had to do some cutting back in December, and I survived the cut. As things slowed down more, I ended up thinking, what if there's another cut? NO ONE in this industry is hiring right now, in fact... not many people at all are hiring. But the amazing thing in those thoughts became... that it didn't turn into fear or panic, and there was this understanding that it was in fact maybe an opportunity waiting to happen. And recently the time came when we talked at work about changing to more of an independent contractor at work. And in the end, that opened the door to the opportunity. And thus, Barnabas Communications LLC is a reality. I still do a lot of work for my former company which gives me a chance to develop the business.

Right now I've got the framework put together and the basic concepts. I have the website, www.DenverPhoneSystems.com. It's what I figure to be a temporary one, because there's a constant evolution in how I think it should be put together, but this is a good start. I think anyway....

So yeah, life has gotten busy. And yet... exciting.

Maybe the dog likes me?

2009-04-14T21:58:00.002-06:00

So tonight my daughter and I took the dog out for a walk. Now I've always figured the dog just tolerates me, being one of many who have invaded his home lately. I mean, there's me, my 5 kids... not to mention the rabbit and the kitten who now has 5 of her own kittens.... and I suppose it's something about greyhounds because they're not like labs or retrievers that jump all over you and such. Greyhounds are definitely more stoic. Or maybe melancholy. They whimper a lot when they want something. So I think it's been that my idea of a dog has always been the kind that is super affectionate and all that, and here's this bony skinny musclebound thing that seems rather aloof a lot, so yeah, a guy wonders. Okay, he does wag his tail a lot when I come in the door, although I'd swear half the time he's looking at me like, okay, you're here, so... where's Janiece???

Now when it's walk time that's a different story. He's all up and down and excited then. It used to be that all I had to do was just reach for the leash and he's hopping up and down ready to go. Now it's even to the point where I just need to grab a little plastic bag (for carrying his poop of course) and he hears that plastic rattle and he's barrelling through the house.

So what I find interesting though is tonight my daughter walks with us, and she takes the dog and runs up ahead a bit... but he'll only go so far. Once she's ahead by 50 feet or so suddenly he's running sideways looking back at me. At 75 feet he's dragging her back towards me. At his size, he can do that you know. And I'm like... heyyyyyy, he wants to be with me.

Okay, my wife would explain that greyhounds are pack animals and so he understands the order of things, so he prefers to stay closer to the leader of the pack. And since she's not with us, that would be me. Of course, one has to wonder, am I really the leader? All the times they're all asking for money from me and getting it (if i happen to have it)... who's the real leader? And of course we just have to go back to the poop carrying thing... if someone's bagging up and carrying someone else's poop, WHO is the real leader here anyway?

It seems I've had this discussion of sorts already. Of course that's been awhile. Of course (with added over the previous of course, of course)... I could have written about all this in my last post and it STILL would have been a long time ago... oops?

So I can blame it on being busy. Or blame it on a period where my ankle was acting like it were sprained for no understandable reason... Or blame it on being sheepish because I just haven't been exercising and have still been wishy washy about the diet.... all of these things probably add up together to not writing. So I've likely lost my two readers now in this long period of silence... okay, so I'll just have to be good at writing and somewhere along the line over the next 6 months or so maybe I can pick up another reader?

By the way, the Biggest Loser group started up again last night. I impressed everyone by riding my bike there. It was a pretty short ride so it's not that impressive, but... i'll take the pats on the back all the same. Much smaller group this time around, only 6 people last night. But I think it's going to be better because it will be more of an accountability group than anything, not so much about having speakers and such. So I think that will be maybe better for everyone. We'll get into more discussion, about things like what's working, what's not, etc.

So my weigh in was 363.3. Which is a few higher than my last weigh in, but not a lot. Morning weigh ins have been about the same, still hovering around the 353 mark. The past week or so I've been more dilligent about the diet. Part of that is because I'm finally getting a physical set up and monday morning i went in to get my blood drawn for labs and all, so I wanted to do my best about the blood sugar levels.

Anyway, that's my update for now... if i say something like i won't take 3 weeks to write again that's usually a sign it'll be 3 weeks, so... i'll just leave it where it is for now. Wherever that is.

Gadgets and progress

2009-03-24T21:42:00.003-06:00

So, first to report some progress. 352.6. Finally broke the 353 mark I got to, ummm.... 3 weeks ago?

So the good news is, it took me only a week to melt off the 6 pounds I regained. I could look at it as the bad news being that at that pace, that would have been 18 pounds lost by now instead of right back where I was. So instead of 353, right now I could be a svelte 335.

But, right now I'm going to be happy to be back where I was and back on track. I'd rather celebrate the progress than mourn where I could be instead. So let's just look at it this way: I'm lighter than I've been for a few years. And feeling maybe even better than I've felt for many years before that. So that's where I leave that. So the whole thing of lost time, lost weeks, regained pounds, that's all in the past now.

I've been having fun with the discovery of GPS capability on my phone. I can track my workouts now. I've talked at length in the past about mapmyrun.com, or mapmywalk.com or mapmyride.com (all the same, just geared towards different forms of exercise)... so what i've done in painstaking detail til now has been to sit down and draw the map out of where I walked so it could log my statistics. Which is okay... it wasn't that long ago you had to count steps and estimate, or go drive along the route to estimate how far you've gone. So to sit at a website for a few minutes and map it out is pretty cool.

Now this is nothing new for a lot of people, a couple years ago I remember my brother talking about doing this with his I-Pod... but since I've just discovered I can do it on my Blackberry I'm pretty psyched.... I can now have my phone track where I walked, at what speed, all of that. It uploads it to its own site, and is very easy then to move the data over to mapmywalk.com. Okay, the only thing cooler is if mapmywalk.com had an interface with this particular cell where it would register there right way. Maybe some day. =)

But the other thing I found is that I can do an RSS feed on this site to my walks, so it automatically registers on here. So in the past I've listed some of the workouts and such, well now... it will do it for me automatically, to the left here. So, if you don't see any new entries under map my walk, you know i'm being lazy again.

hmmmm..... maybe all this technology isn't so great after all... if i'm sluffing you know. might have to rethink this one eh?

The Chicken or the Egg?

2009-03-21T11:51:00.002-06:00

Okay, so... is it the chicken or the egg?

Is it the exercise or the diet?

I'm finding that since I've been working on getting back on track, that I've been more faithful in the exercise area than the diet area, and it would appear to me that right now exercise trumps diet, yes?

Or... maybe. The past few days I've had some cheats, some maybe significant, when it comes to the diet (yes, the 2 cherry pies at mcdonald's again, oops?)... but as a whole the diet has been still a big improvement over the 2 weeks before that.

But essentially i've been going on 2 to 3 mile walks each day. So, faithful on the exercise, semi-faithful on the diet, and the net result is I'm back to 356, or 3 pounds re-lost.

But then my head argues, wait a minute!!! About 5 years ago when I lost 80 pounds on the Atkins diet, I accomplished that with virtually no exercise.

Ahhhh, you may say, but you were 5 years younger then as well. The weight does not seem to come off quite so easily on diet alone this time around.

Well, the truth is that both are pretty vital, I'm finding. It's when I was both faithful on the diet AND exercising regularly that the weight has come off the fastest. And while I'm encouraged by having re-lost the weight, I still need to get better at the diet, for one good reason... blood sugar. I'm about to get a physical exam scheduled, it's been about a year and a half since I had one, and I've drug my feet on it for one reason... my blood sugar was higher than normal and the doctor said I'm borderline diabetic, if i had a second reading in a row like that that's technically a diagnosis of diabetes. That's not really a diagnosis I want to be hung with. I know, if I AM actually diabetic, then I should know about it and go accordingly, right? But I also know that with type 2 diabetes, it's often the kind of thing that can be controlled or reversed by getting good control of blood sugar. So having that under control, well I don't know if that will prevent me from being diagnosed as diabetic or not because I don't know what all goes into such a diagnosis... but even if I am diagnosed as such it's a lot better off if blood sugar is under control. So.... chicken or egg or whatever, the exercise is important, but... i have to stay away from those mcdonalds pies!

Taking a Break + 6 pounds = Big Mistake

2009-03-17T07:10:00.002-06:00

My last post I'd mentioned taking a small break. Part of my not posting since is... well the break didn't exactly end. At least not until recently. Sort of....

Something like this isn't something you can really take a small break from, at least that's what I'm finding. Because you allow something you don't normally allow... and that ends up adding to something else... and before long I'm getting the quarter pounder with cheese in a combo WITH the two pies for a buck... and all the while thinking what's up with this but still eating it all the same.

Part of that break has been getting away from the regular exercise. Doing the 6 mile walk the one day might have been overdoing it? Okay it wasn't because it wasn't that difficult to do and I don't think it took that much out of me, but.... maybe it did some because it was hard to get back into that routine. But then when I look at my log on map my run and saw so much of February filled with decent workouts and March... sooooo little.

My first steps to getting back on track have been getting back into the regular exercise pattern and then more consciously getting back on track food wise. I'm finding that the exercise part is getting to be pretty crucial, or at least a good 3 mile walk can cover a multitude of sins. Or a multitude of bad food choices anyway.

But i can't just rest on that, because the fact remains blood sugar is something I still have to watch out for. Exercise alone won't keep that under control.

So, to those 2 or 3 of you who read this, prayers are always appreciated. I'm getting back on track. Besides, the biggest loser group starts up after Easter, and I definitely want to be able to start that up at least a few pounds lighter than when it finished up. So I have to do something about these added 6.

Does that make it 199 pounds now instead of 193, since I have to lose those 6 a second time?

A break

2009-03-08T17:51:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure if a break is a good thing or not when it comes to this whole weight loss thing. I'm sure a lot of diets are lost to breaks.

But I think that with all the buildup to the weigh in and maybe overdoing it on some of it before then, it just got to a point where it was like, for a couple days I didn't even want to think diet. I mean, I don't think I've fallen off the wagon and i've stuck to the basics for the most part. okay, the ice cream cone doesn't count, right? After all, I did have it with a diet coke.

Okay, so this is totally off the subject. Completely. It's a simple thing, happens every day, happens all the time... but still totally cool. My daughter's cat had her kittens today... and really she's barely a cat, still more or less a kitten herself. But the part that I think is really cool is here you have this kitten who has kittens, and she totally knows what to do. I know, silly little thing. But it's sometimes those simple, silly things that really speak out. I think it's because I work with someone who's convinced about the whole evolution thing, that all of this that is around us was totally random. But to me, it's like... how can something like instinct, knowing what to do to take care of your kittens and all just out of nowhere, how can that be random? Just one of those silly little things that shows the amazing design of all of this.

Anyway, gotta go get supper out of the oven... and break's over now...

3rd Biggest Loser

2009-03-02T21:27:00.002-07:00

It's kind of sad that this was the final weigh in in the Biggest Loser group. Honestly, I did not expect to be as disappointed about it being over as I am at the moment. It takes me a long time to warm up to new people, so being among a group of people I did not know at all made me wonder how well I'd like doing this group when it started.

I know I mentioned this a number of times but I'm not sure I said exactly what it was. There was a piece in our bulletin at church about another church that was doing a Biggest Loser fundraiser. The timing of it was pretty good so I decided to join. There was an entry fee, with it designed to raise funds for the parent teacher association for the school that's part of the church. So I went to it knowing absolutely no one and feeling a bit like a fish out of water. But it's a really nice group of people and there are a number of people who made me feel pretty welcome.

I've mentioned this a lot, but the biggest thing to me is the whole sense of accountability that came from doing this group. Having the weigh in each week, even though the numbers were never divulged publically other than to say who did the best each week, really did a lot to help keep me on track. So I've really gotten to enjoy doing this.

Soooooo.... out of 22 people, there was a total weight loss of something like 160 pounds. That's a whole person! Okay, that's less than a half of this particular person, but... by normal standards that's still a whole person. So that in and of itself is really good to see.

Now one thing I will say is I don't like the scale there. I got on the scale at home tonight before leaving at, with clothes I was at 353... I got on a few times to make sure it wasn't lying to me because that just surprised me since that's what I weighed in at this morning. So then I get on the scale there tonight... and it starts out registering 357.3.. then 357.7, 357.5... then bam, 359, and there it stays. Grumble grumble grumble.... So at first I'm thinking hey, that's no fair, it's 6 pounds heavier than my scale at home. But you know, I remember commenting that I thought the original weigh in was high, so... if it was 6 pounds too heavy now it probably was 6 pounds too heavy then. So the reality is, even if i didn't like the scale, it's the same scale as the first weigh in, so it's all still pretty even.

My initial weigh in was 385.7. So 26.7 pounds is the total weight loss. That put me at 6.9% of my total weight. So I found out someone was already leading at 7.2%... okay, so if i take that 357.7 that it was setting at right before jumping up to 359, then I'd be at 7.3%... I SHOULD BE LEADING THIS!!! (So this is where I have to remind myself everyone else had to deal with the same scale...) In the end, another guy does even better tough, he's at 7.9%. So I console myself by saying these two who were ahead of me were so much smaller they didn't have to lose nearly as much weight to do the percentage. That and if i'd have done this for the full 7 weeks instead of starting late, I'D HAVE WON!!!

Okay, so does anyone sense an overly competitive thing going on in me here? My gosh, I'm obsessing over the little fluctuations of a stupid little scale!!!

But the truth be told, what the two people who placed ahead of me did, in my mind, was an even greater achievement than mine. I mean I feel darn good about losing 26.7 pounds in 6 weeks. But you know, when you're 185 pounds overweight, losing 26.7 pounds is really a lot easier than losing 10 or 15 pounds when you're not nearly as overweight. Those last 30 pounds or so can be the very toughest to get rid of, so for them, I really do take my hat off.

At the end was a good bit of news... They asked if anyone would be up to doing this again after Easter. I really, really, really hope they do. This thing has helped me focus that much better on what I'm doing.

And hey, if i'm starting out at 350 instead of 386, 26.7 pounds is an even higher percentage so... maybe I can pull it off then eh? In the meantime I'll be secretly sabotaging any skinny peoples' attempts to join the group. =)

40

2009-03-02T11:58:00.002-07:00

On the morning of the big weigh in... I hit the 40 pound mark. 40 exact. 353. 153 to go.

Okay, so last night I went out and paid some pennance. We had some friends over for desert and I had a small piece of peach cobbler and a very small serving of ice cream... they were definitely small enough that there wasn't anything to be overly concerned with, but I figured with the final weigh in being today for the Biggest Loser group, I'm not taking any chances.

So, off on the longest walk I've taken yet. I did it at what I thought was a pretty brisk pace, although map my run tells me it was just 3.2 mph. Some of that was, i picked a route with some pretty good hill climbs, about 300 feet for the biggest one. I'm sure I was moving fairly slow towards the top of the hill.

In fact I looked up the route for Bolder Boulder that I'd heard there can be some tough hills, and that was looking like a piece of cake compared to this walk. Did I talk about goals yet for the Bolder Boulder? Right now I'm thinking 1:40 would be a good standard to shoot for.

Wow, I just looked at my training log on Mapmyrun.com. I did just under 23 miles in walks this past week. Hmmm... think i'm taking this weigh in a bit serously? I sure hope the intensity can continue once this is over... I thought maybe this blog would create the kind of accountability that might help, but so far it's not like i've got this massive audience. I think Mike Weaver's going public with his weight loss efforts was brilliant for that very reason. I don't think i'm getting quite the attention, though i'm definitely thankful for even the 2 regular readers... Maybe you two can keep me accountable enough to keep me going strong.

I just know this... this morning starting out the day there was a definite feel of... anything is possible. That's a pretty cool feeling.

February comes and goes

2009-02-28T22:49:00.002-07:00

Sad news today. And yesterday to a lesser degree. I read that Paul Harvey passed away. I always enjoyed listening to his news reports... there's a major part of Americana gone with him. And then yesterday was the last day teh Rocky Mountain News was printed. I remember doing an internship in Holyoke, Colorado 25 years ago and being so enamored with the size of the comic section in the Rocky. It's kinda sad to see it go.

Okay, so, time for an end of month report. I'm typing this without my contacts so, if i'm making big typos I can't see, so forgive me in advance.

This morning I weighed in at 355.0. My measurements were 59.5 chest, 59.5 waist and 51.5 hips. So if I remember right (I did just go back and read last month's numbers a few minutes ago, so if I'm wrong it's... um... yeah, my contacts are out, that's the ticket! (Better that than admitting to bad short term memory). Anyway, I was 59.5 on the chest, 60 waist, 54 in the hips, so right now it looks like it's the hips that are doing the best. I was at 367.6, so in February I lost 12.6 pounds. And, that puts me at 38 pounds overall, almost 20 percent of my goal.

I'm really happy with how things have been the last couple weeks. I've done well at avoiding any kind of binges or serious falls off the wagon. Granted, on South Beach, y ou have more flexibility in foods than Atkins, they encourage adding more carbs into your diet. This is far less restrictive than when I was on Atkins, for example I have oatmeal most mornings (whole grain, not the instant stuff -- more fiber and lower glycemic index) and some breads, some whole wheat pasta, stuff like that. And with the intensified exersise the past couple weeks, it's all going really, really well.

Walking for the month, I did just over 41 miles. I've been tracking it at www.mapmyrun.com, so that's why I'm not reporting it here so much now like i was doing earlier. I think there's a widget I can put on here that shows my progress from that site, so I'll have to look into that. I only did 8 miles on the bike... mostly just very cold weekends. Now, of that 41 miles, 30 of it came in the past two weeks. So I'm very pleased with all of that.

Two more days until the final weigh in at the Biggest Loser group. Now I'm finding I'm a couple pounds heavier by the end of the day than i am at the beginning, and so adding on 3 pounds for clothes, right now I'm figuring I'd weigh in at 360, which is 8 pounds down from the last weigh in. And of course it depends on progress the next 2 days too... i'd love to nail the 10 pound mark for the week! That would feel like a good sense of accomplishment. But even still, right now that all puts me at 26 pounds down if i'm where i think according to their scale... not bad for 6 weeks.

If I can keep at that pace i'm going to be pushing 300 by the Bolder Boulder... yikes! Or even if I look at the overall pace of 38 pounds in 3 months (including Christmas)... another 3 months like that and i'm at 317. Still very very nice.... this is getting really encouraging, seeing signs of being a bit thinner, feeling a LOT thinner...

Here's to a great March!

Up-Scale.... or is that down-scale?

2009-02-25T18:59:00.002-07:00

So just out of curiosity, I got on my wife's scale. Now when I started this whole thing, I had gone out to get a new scale because I was too heavy for hers -- 350 pound limit. In fact the new scale I got wouldn't work to begin, and it had a 380 pound capacity. Sooooooo.... it weighed me in at 356.4. It works!!!! I can use that scale. Which is good because mine took enough of a beating that it's getting kinda incoherent. Well, maybe coherent but way off at times. I mean I'd love to believe it when it weighs in at 335. It was constantly hitting the 340's, so the past week or so it's been really hard to know where I fit in... and so to have this one work and to work so nicely (and other weighins have been rather consistent) is a pretty awesome feeling.

So that puts me in at more than 36 pounds lost!!! Woohoooo.

My brother, who's been getting back into running the past couple years, is going to do the Bolder Boulder on Memorial Day. It's a 10K run, and he's been trying to talk me into doing it. My first reaction was, no way, i'm not getting into running. I'm not ready for that. I think once I get closer to 300 maybe, but I don't want to risk my knee right now. But... as I look through the site they have a lot of different groups or waves, and some of the last waves are set aside for walkers who plan to take 2 hours or more... now I know I can do that, in fact I'm sure I could make it in less than 1:45. I just did a 4 mile walk tonight in 68 minutes, so add half to that. The nice thing is I felt I could easily keep going, so this is a good thing.

All things considered, I could have a 10 pound week... that would make for a nice final weigh in at the Biggest Loser group. I'm really kinda disappointed though that it's ending. There's a nice group of people, but maybe the biggest thing to it is the accountability, there's a group there to weigh in around, and even though the weigh ins aren't public, it's like it's a real guage to how I'm doing. The accountability of a group like that is huge.

Guess that's something to keep in mind, especially if and when I plateau, is to find a group that continues to meet.

So, 36 down, shooting for 40 soon and very soon....

An Awesome Weekend

2009-02-23T22:44:00.002-07:00

Okay, so it's Monday night, so I'll get down to details here right away before getting into the weekend. At weigh in I lost 1.7 pounds for the week. I really had no idea what to expect, the scale at home is wonky and then today I had a service call for work that went well into the day, so lunch was rather late, and by that time I was starved. Now I think i did pretty good, it was a grilled chicken salad at Carl Jr's, but with a mongo diet coke. As late as that was, and not really any time to ummm.... process it all? I didn't know how I'd do, so I was pretty pleased.

So there's one week to go, and I know I'm in the running. In fact I'm finding myself pretty ready to go all out this next week. Nothing stupid I don't think, just good sensible eating and good sensible exercise. Maybe the one thing I think I'll do differently though is, I'm kicking diet soda at least for the week. I'm hooked on the stuff, big time, but I think for the next week I'm going to make a big effort to go heavy on the water drinking, which I know I should do anyway, and cut out the other stuff. Okay, maybe a coffee in the morning or a glass of milk, but none of the other stuff.

I'm kinda guessing my weight to be 363 right now, which would be right at 30. My hope is that by next Monday night I can use my wife's scale, which goes to 350. Not that I expect to lose 13 by then, but I'm thinking it will actually go up to 355, and if i can get that to register, I'd be just thrilled with that.

Okay, so... the weekend. It got off to an pretty incredible start. Friday night our church was having a men's retreat down by Colorado Springs, it was a pretty nice little retreat center. Beautiful country! And there was a lot of hurrying to get out the door, but as I got home before taking right off again, there was a letter from my son Josh, the one in Basic Training.

Fortunately someone else was driving, so that gave me the chance to read... which I'm really glad because it would have been hard to drive. He started out saying he knew I had ears and eyes and could tell there were areas he'd fallen away in his faith, but... to make a long letter short, he rediscovered his faith. He talked about what it meant when I said I was proud of him, and he wants to make me proud even more.

The thing is... there's nothing else he has to do to do that. Just him being the man he is makes me proud. I hope and pray I do a good job communicating that. He needs to know.

Then the retreat was pretty good as well. It was just good to get away a bit, connect with other men from the church, and we had some pretty good messages. Jim Weidman, formerly known as the Family Night guy with Focus On The Family, spoke. I thought it was pretty cool to get a guy who was already somewhat known to speak to a small group of 40 guys. I thought he was really good, and really stirred up a lot of thoughts about how to grow as a man, a husband, and a father.... The fellowship was great, and it's amazing how good a group of 40 guys can sound singing praises together. Okay, we were also blessed by having a great worship leader...

I'm quite happy right now with the church family I'm a part of. I never thought I'd say that about a church that wasn't from my 'non' denomination. But there's a good group of believers, some great leadership, and just this body of people that have created a good church home.

God does great things...

Congratulations to Mike Weaver

2009-02-16T21:00:00.001-07:00

I wrote earlier about Mike Weaver from Big Daddy Weave. He's lost 23 pounds since starting the beginning of the year. Way to go Mike!

6.7

2009-02-16T20:21:00.002-07:00

It's been 4 weeks now (this is the 5th meeting for me) for the Biggest Loser fundraiser thingie. I lost 6.7 this past week, which feels pretty good. Okay, I know that if I weighed like from Wednesday to Wednesday, it would have been maybe more like 3 or 4, and there would have been more last week. But... that's 17 pounds since the start. A bit less than 4.4 percent of my total weight, which is what they're basing the winner on. There are 6 of us at 4% or more, so I'm in the running baby!!!

Now, I started a week late, so I have to lose in 6 weeks what everyone else has 7 to do, but that's encouraging to be right on track with everyone else being a week behind. Now there are a couple of people there who... well.... let's just say I think I have to lose nearly 3 times as many points to keep up since it's on percentage. They might be the ones that will be the bigger challenge. But, when I think about it, it's not really an unfair thing, because frankly, if you're only 10% overweight it's a lot harder to lose 5% of your weight than if you're 50%. So realistically, it does say a lot about how well they are doing. And I have to say, there's one or two of those that, i'm not totally sure they HAVE 10 pounds more to lose... even 5 will be a challenge.

So the way I figure it, I need to be at 7% or better to win this thing... that means probably 10 more pounds in 2 weeks. It can be a challenge... but you know, I sure wouldn't mind being at 355 by the end of the month now, would I?

Tonight was kind of a tough one to sit through though because I'm developing some strong opinions about some stuff as to dieting and nutrition. Tonight they talked about some recipes and all these recipes that were being pressed by these books as being healthy and weight loss friendly.... looked downright deadly!!! And I have to realize some diets work well for some people and others maybe better for others. So much of the group is going by weight watchers and other such diets that follow the line that you keep calories down and especially keep fat down. But then, healthy foods are considered those foods with a lot of starches and stuff that I'm becoming more and more convinced are a lot of the reason for the high rates of obesity we're looking at these days.

I'm finding more and more evidence as I read about how our bodies process different elements of our foods, that we NEED the fats that so many of the diets are saying are the first things to go. The mantra is that fat has more calories per gram than other things like carbs. But what that doesn't take into account is that fats are the last things processed by the body, that fats are typically spread through the body more to be utilized by muscles well before they are broken down, that fats play a critical role in telling the body we've had enough (and thus reducing the cravings)... while rices and pastas are being pushed as being so healthy and yet the way the body processes them, for those of us that are severely obese and especially those of us more susceptible to blood sugar issues, that's one of the worst things you can do for yourself.

It's like I ranted and raved about some in the past, it's kind of hard to stand up and say ummm, excuse me, i have no degree in all this but... you're wrong about all this.

The thing is, I know it's not all wrong. I think typically the more severely overweight a person is, the more the low fat low calorie diet is going to hurt them, and particularly it will be harder to follow the diet. For someone who has maybe 15 pounds to lose, maybe a more typical diet is more appropriate?

I know I've come a ways since I was convinced low carb was the only way to go. I'm not in the camp that all carbs are bad. But I do believe very strongly that for someone like myself, very simple carbs such as processed breads, sugars, and high starch foods do more harm than good. But at the same time, something rich in a lot of vegetables, fruits, and moderate portions of meats and cheeses and such is a stronger way to go.

Maybe I've just read too much propoganda. But I've just found it to be true for myself that the more that I'll eat of breads, pastas, sugars, the more likely I am to crave more of it. And since I've been letting off those things, I've been very well satisfied, felt like I managed to eat a very well balanced diet, and it hasn't been really difficult at all. It's not that hard passing on stuff, and I've had a lot of opportunities to have that tested.

Maybe the simplest way to go without getting all complicated is Dr. Gott's diet: No flour, no sugar. Pretty simple.

Checking In

2009-02-15T19:20:00.002-07:00

It's been almost 2 weeks since I posted. The typical death knell of any blog I suppose. Part of it is being busy, part of it finding the mapping and logging tools on MapMyRun.com. But I think it's been going good.

Okay, so, progress.... This morning I weighed in at 365.8. And it's been a good weekend, good week actually. I was down a half pound at the biggest loser weigh in, part of that being Sunday last week wasn't great. It wasn't bad, I didn't go overboard or anything. We had some lasagna for lunch, but with whole grain noodles, but it might have been a bit much still. Then a soft shell taco, whole grain again, but i think the two together were enough extra, that it probably undid some progress, especially being the day before weighin.

On the exercise front, I didn't really get out any this past week. I can probably make excuses about weather and being busy, but I just didn't get out. But I think I did well enough on the diet that it hasn't really hurt. I'm expecting to be down by at least 5 for tomorrow's weigh in. Maybe closer to the 8 or 9. Everyone's kinda bogged down lately in the group, sounds like it's a pretty normal thing for progress to slow way down at this point. So I feel pretty good about having good progress right now. If I don't make some huge mistake tomorrow.

And... Valentine's Day can be amazingly sweet when you have someone special....

Breaking Even

2009-02-03T11:56:00.002-07:00

Well, I wondered about how I'd do at the Superbowl, and another Biggest Loser group meeting comes and goes.... sooooo????

Okay, so, Superbowl first. What a game!!! (no, that's not me being evasive, I really meant it). Okay, I'm not sure I'd rank it as one of the best SuperBowls ever. As I heard people talk about the game ESPN called the 'greatest game ever,' the 1959 championship game, it was said that enough of the game itself was rather sloppy and not so well played, but the finish and drama still were pretty big. I think that's how I felt about this game... both teams just made some dumb mistakes along the way and it wasn't the best played of all games, but the finish still made it pretty great. I'd have loved to have seen Arizona come back, just for Kurt Warner.

All I can say is, the clean shaven look doesn't work for Kurt.

Anyway, the important stuff.... Superbowl food! Actually, I think I did pretty well. Buffalo wings aren't too taboo, probably the worst I did was some beanie weenies, just cuz there's likely a bit of sugar in the sauce. I did really well staying away from the brownies and breads and chips that for me can be pretty lethal. All in all I felt I did pretty good, not too terrible in volume though maybe not the best either. But it definitely didn't feel like I sabotaged myself.

I do wonder how many diets go to die at the superbowl. You know, you get a lot of new years resolution folks who start off good for the first few weeks, and then it all falls apart then. Sometimes there's just something about once you crack, it's so easy to crack again and soon. I know that's been the case for me in the past when I've been on again off again about things, I'd be great a few days and then totally blow it for one day, and it's like once that resolve cracks even for a short bit, it's so hard to find it again. But I felt good, and felt on track still when it was all said and done Sunday.

Last night was weigh in again, and... I'm up 2 tenths. Which probably didn't surprise me too much. I do believe I made real progress the past week, but it's like the timing of it all just didn't work out as well for having a good loss at the weigh in. But it wasn't discouraging.

I did manage to do a 2 mile walk right after work. it was a good, very brisk walk, I managed to do a 16 minute pace per mile through 1 3/4 miles, and then slowed it down the last quarter. When I was younger, a 4 mph pace was pretty easy for me, being a bit long legged. I'm walking as fast as I can without breaking into a jog now, and making a full mile in right at 16 minutes. I hope to get that to 15 soon. Part of the slower pace at the very end was right at the 3/4 mark on the second mile I did break into a brief jog, about 100 paces. I do think that's where I'm seeing some real progress as a result of the more regular exercise is that I am finding myself able to jog a little. In the past if i had to jog even a few steps it was like a major effort to do so. My right knee seems to be weaker than my other and probably is feeling the effects more of the weight, and it would be a real forced hobble. Yesterday I could go fairly steady. That doesn't mean I'm going to start getting into running right now. I have a long way to go weight wise before even thinking about that much would be wise, if for no other reason than that knee. Even though I think all the walking and biking has strengthened it quite a bit compared to even a month ago, the worst thing i could do right now is tweak the knee and have that interfere with the exercise bit.

Sales is sucking for me lately at work... I may be getting into doing some cold calling now and that could be a good way to work in a lot more walking without taking time away from family and stuff. We'll see how that goes.....

Nervous about Superbowl

2009-01-31T20:59:00.002-07:00

So far this week I've done pretty good, staying true to the diet and getting some exercise. Yesterday on the way home from work I stopped out at Kendrick Lake out west, it's got a trail that's an exact mile. I did the first two laps in 34 minutes, not too bad. It was kinda fun because for the most part I've walked in the past with silence but I remembered to bring along the headphones to my cellphone, so there were some pretty good tunes to walk to.

Audio Adrenelaine is probably the newest of the music. There was a bit of Degarmo and Key, some Whiteheart, some older Third Day. In all I did 3 miles, which felt pretty good. Today I did an 11 mile bike ride, just down the Platte River, stopping at REI downtown across from Elitch Gardens, and then back. I didn't do the big climb out of the river valley though, wimped out and drove to the trail. Which was probably a good thing, it's been a week and a half since I've ridden, and I could feel it. Still, all that said I thought I did pretty well.

And tomorrow, Superbowl. Some friends are having us over... it's the kind of snacking situation that can be kinda perilous, you know? I think I'll do okay, right now there's this sense that I don't want to lose the progress I've been making.

Oh, yes, end of month, so I'll do some measurements:
Chest: 60 inches.
Waist: 59.5 inches
Hips: 54 inches.

So, instead of losing inches from the initial measurements, I gain a bit in the hips and chest? Hmmmm.... Leaves me suspicious of my initial measurements, but it's not like it's anything huge so I'll stick with where it is. Here's to a better February!

25, Finally

2009-01-29T08:59:00.002-07:00

It seems like it took forever, but I finally, finally, broke through the 370's and into the 360's, in fact made some decent headway into the 360's. This morning the scale read 367.6. I wasn't sure that was right because it was so significantly lower than before, so I ended up trying it a few different times in a few different spots, and it looks like that's pretty much about it. So that puts me over the 25 pounds lost part. That's a pretty good feeling.

I'm starting to notice some difference too. Last night was our men's bible study again, and I had time to kill before the study started, so I stopped at Washington Park across from the church and set out for a walk. I found it so much easier to walk at a pretty brisk pace than I've felt before. I don't really know how to explain the difference. I think it surprised me because to this point I wouldn't say that it was difficult to walk or walk at a brisk pace. But sometimes I think that's how it is with things like that, where you think you're okay and doing good but then when you find something better you're amazed because you didn't think it was so bad before.

I think maybe the best analogy I can think of is prior to meeting Janiece. I thought I was coming along okay and such with life that I didn't really think I could complain. But life in this past year has been really, really good, in a way that before her I'm not sure I could have imagined without having known before her how good it could be.

I think as my health and condition continue to improve, I find myself rediscovering how good feeling good can be. This is something where I thought in the past I felt pretty good, but it was like I didn't know (or had forgotten) what feeling good really was.

I think that's why we have so much trouble understanding or explaining heaven. It's not possible to find the terminology or explain it eloquently enough. We could get glimpses or ideas, but it's impossible to describe. This is not a failure or shortcoming of whoever is trying to describe or whoever is trying to understand. It's more that we don't have a point of reference. The very best we can think of or imagine falls so short of what it really is that, without having a comparable point of reference it's something we can't begin to comprehend.

After finally discovering how much better good can feel that what i've known it to feel (if that phrase didn't lose anyone i'm not sure what will)... I'm looking that much more forward to discovering what that really really good really is...

Big Loser and Monkeythumbs

2009-01-27T12:51:00.003-07:00

Last night was the 2nd meeting for the Biggest Loser thing that I wrote about earlier. According to their scale, I'm down 9.6 pounds from a week ago. Cool huh?

Now, to be fair, I'm not sure it's legit. Just my other weighins at home, it hasn't added up to 9 pounds. Maybe closer to 5 or 6. I'm suspecting the initial weigh in was a bit high.

But either way, I got a water bottle as the prize! woohooo!!! Okay, with all the kids in our house and as many of them that lug around waterbottles to school, that's never a bad thing.

So the other cool thing yesterday was at work, the sales manager asked me what size I wear. I'm thinking, this is a bit personal, dude. He's got this windbreaker from Qwest that he picked up at a tradeshow that's a 2X and he said the sleeves were way too long for him, so did I think it would fit me? And then he says, if i keep losing weight like i'm doing it will soon if it doesn't now. Now that in itself was a day maker, just because I wasn't sure if it was very noticable.

So yeah, two things yesterday that were major encouragements. And to think a couple nights ago after walking better than 6 miles in about a 24 hour period I'm starting to wonder if I'm just stalled and doing something wrong because nothing seemed to be changing much. This morning the scale was 370.2. Jusssssssst about past that 370 barrier.

And yes, the jacket fit. Sort of. I can zip it up easily and it's comfortable, so that's definitely a fit thing, right? But I guess I find myself downplaying that a little because the material's kinda stretchy and it did need some stretching to zip, but not uncomfortably so. And the pockets have these kinda gaps to them that wouldn't be there if it were hanging normally. So it's not ready to be worn a lot in public, at least not zipped, because I'm afraid of it having the same kind of look as, oh, say a pair of regular bike shorts? Some forms are not really designed for form fitting, you know? But it's a pretty cool jacket, and I did wear it today for one simple reason... It's honkin cold out there!!!!! It makes a nice added layer to go under my coat.

And the coolest thing about it? It has monkey thumbs!!! I've never heard of such a thing, Janiece pointed it out to me. Holes in the sleeves you can put your thumbs through so it goes up around your palms, and I guess they call them monkey thumbs.

You learn something new every day.

Catching Up

2009-01-25T12:51:00.004-07:00

Something about doing the single dad thing with 6 kids around keeps a person busy. Not that I can say I've stayed busy with just that, there was some loafing time playing online Risk. But anyway, need to catch up some here.

Friday I got a bit ambitious with the walking. I took the couch potato out for a 1 mile walk on Friday. And then after bringing him back, I set out again for a walk on my own that wasn't constantly interrupted by sniff and pee breaks. I didn't think it was that far, but it still came out 2.65 miles, so a total of 3.65 that night. Not bad, though it's hard to say if i was overdoing it. I've read enough about exercise and such about taking time off, so yesterday seemed like a good day to take a break. Although now I'm wishing I'd done the break today instead of yesterday because it gog COLD outside. I worry about cold weather keeping me from walking like before, but maybe it's because I've got my weigh in tomorrow night, I'm motivated now!!! Today was a bit more, a walk to the Dollar Tree and back, still a good 2 and a half miles.

One thing I HAVE to do is put the scale away and just do infrequent weigh ins. I was getting bummed out last night because I thought, why isn't this going any better? I've been really good the past few days about eating good foods, moderating myself on portions, and exercising, and it just seems like I've been so steady. I weighed in last night and I was about the same place I've been a few days. But at least this morning was a bit encouraging as I came in at 371.6. I find myself thinking that's still not enough, that's 1 pound in 2 days, wayyyyy too slow, right? That's where perspective is important. If i stretch that out, a pound every 2 days would put me at ideal weight in just over a year. For where I'm at, that's pretty fantastic. The thing is I know that at this point the weight will come off more easily now than when I'm getting closer to where I should be. But yeah, you end up wanting instant results.

But that's where it's so easy to get discouraged. If I look back to the start of this blog I've lost a total of 3 pounds in 18 days? Now that's still 60 pounds a year, so even that isn't THAT bad. I know that they say the healthiest weight loss is slow like that. I think it's because years ago I was able to lose weight so much more easily, and without the whole exercise part.

I do know that exercise can actually slow the weight loss to begin with, but at a certain point it does start to make a lot of difference. I have to just keep reminding myself that.

I looked back and wondered if my totals were correct on walking because it just didn't seem so much. But that's one good thing about the blogging is I can actually do that. So here's how it totals up:
January 2: 0.0 Walk, 10.1 bike
January 7: 2.15 Walk
January 9: 2.5 Walk
January 10: 1.0 Walk, 12.4 Bike
January 17: 0.0 Walk, 8.7 Bike
January 18: 0.0 Walk, 8.5 Bike
January 20: 1.6 Walk, 12.5 Bike
January 21: 1.85 Walk,
January 22: 1.0 Walk
January 23: 3.65 Walk
January 25: 2.5 Walk

Monthly: 52.2 miles on the bike, 16.25 walking.

10.6 miles this past week so far looks a lot better than the monthly total. There were too many days off. I'm wondering if 50 miles a month is a reasonable goal? I know time is the biggest constraint, as it's kinda crazy getting everyone ready in the morning, and often a lot going on at night. But that's an excuse because I find enough time to waste.

The biking... right now that's tougher to set goals on. Weather has more of an affect right now on biking than walking, and time maybe as well. I'd love to get to where I could somewhat regularly commute to work on my bike once it's getting nice enough out. But, the commute is at least 15 miles one way, and I still have to get myself into condition to do the hills and complete that kind of ride and still be functional. I wonder how 30 miles a day biking would help the whole overall fitness thing eh?

Missing her already

2009-01-22T22:17:00.002-07:00

Tomorrow Janiece leaves for a 4 day trip to take her son to college in Wisconsin.

I miss her already.

Okay, I'm questioning my pedometer. I took Jager for a walk tonight, and when it was done it told me we went 2.8 miles. I thought that didn't seem quite right, so I went to mapmyrun.com and checked it out... I was right. 2 miles on the dot. Okay, there are a lot of extra steps just for puppy potty stops, but.. that's 30%. Kinda bums me out that maybe all those steps I did the last 2 days just probably weren't as many as I thought....

But hey, 2 more miles still is good eh?

And woohooo, I broke the 373 barrier, finally! 372.4 this morning.

Did I mention I miss my wife already? *sigh*